


Underneath the Mask

by Peanutsfan1



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Self-Acceptance, romantic relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanutsfan1/pseuds/Peanutsfan1
Summary: Trigger warning: Mentions of su*cide, s*lf harm and p*nic attacksAfter Lukas attempts to end his life, he is sent away from Oslo to a small town to 'gain a fresh perspective'. What awaits him is a world full of magic and many strange individuals. When this strange world is under threat, Lukas and his new friends and acquaintances must fight for its survival.A tale of self acceptance, found family and that recovery can take a while but if you have the right people around you, they can help you through it.
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia), Denmark & Finland & Iceland & Norway & Sweden (Hetalia), Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), England & Norway & Romania (Hetalia), Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), Hong Kong/Iceland (Hetalia)
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for some really poorly written/handled scenes in the earlier chapters, I wrote them two years ago and didn't do any research for the representation so I deeply apologise! After about chapter 10, the chapters are more recent and I think have been handled a lot better. 
> 
> Though with that in mind, please tell me if there's anything I can improve on regarding writing Norway's mental health!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning at the beginning: suicide/mentions of suicide

Suicide.  
That's how it started.  
A petite boy watches as his mother dangles in the air, struggling to breathe. He touches the cross hairclip that now sat on his blonde locks, tears forming in his eyes. A troll wanders over next to him and places its green hand on the boy's shoulder, trying to offer a source of comfort. This causes the child to whip around and shout at the creature, "This is all your fault! If you weren't around she wouldn't be dead! Just- just- go away-" The troll's face saddens but can do nothing to help change the situation.

~

12 years later, he looks down at his stained chest, a knife embedded deep within. A small smile tugs on his lips, the first in over ten years. Too bad it was going to be wasted on his demise. The magical creatures rush towards him and he falls to the floor, seeming to be content. "I'm sorry Emil," he mutters, "I couldn't manage. I'm sorry." His brother, the aforementioned Emil, runs in and furiously dials an ambulance. "I should have known. Damn it, Lukas!" The tears stream down his face. The blonde touches the younger's shoulder, "I can finally be at peace." Emil hangs up and focuses on stemming the blood flow. "Peace sounds so- so lovely-" He coughs and his eyes struggle to stay open. As soon as he hears the ambulance's siren, Emil glances at his hands, covered in his brother's blood. The last thing Lukas sees is himself being pulled onto a stretcher by doctors before everything goes dark.

*****************************************

"So, what did your parents want?" A brunette asks his friend whilst gazing at the scene around him, full of magical creatures. "Someone's coming to stay with us for a year." The blonde drops his phone into his pocket, his face unreadable. "A whole year?!"  
"A whole year." He repeats.  
"Where will there be room? How can they afford this, Arthur?" The brunette exclaims. "Some of my brothers are moving out. Finally. I'm so glad Allistor is one of them." Arthur sighs with content. "So why is someone moving in with you?" The brunette smiles, a small fang visible and gleaming. "He's like us, Vladimir." The statement, simple as it may be, catches the young adult's attention and his head whips around with a snap, "You cannot be serious. He can see them?" Arthur gives his best friend a tiny nod before readjusting his gaze up at the night sky, fairies fluttering in between the trees. "Apparently he hates his condition though, that's why they thought a change of location would help." A mint bunny with wings flies over and lands on the brit's shoulder, causing him to grin at the old friend. "I think it's our duty to help him realise that this is a gift and not a curse." Vladimir agrees with Arthur's proposition and strokes flying mint bunny, "Change of subject, Artie, but do you ever wonder why we can actually feel the softness of fur like flying mint bunny's here if these creatures don't exist? My theory is that they tell us we have a mental health condition but actually we are some of the few lucky ones that can truly see what beauty the world holds." A moment of silence passes, Arthur thinking of how he was planning to approach the situation when Vladimir's words sweep through him and brings him back to reality. "Possibly," then he frowns, "And do not, I mean it, do not call me 'Artie'! He calls me that and I hate it!" "As much as the fact that you secretly love him?" The Romanian laughs. "I do not love Alfred F. Jones!" Arthur shouts, followed up by a mutter of, "That damn American." Vladimir smirks and whispers, "You do, you just don't know it yet."

*****************************************

It was now New Year's Eve. A day for rejoicing at a tough year well spent. A day for thanking God that the dreadful year was finally over. A day for celebration. None of these descriptions fitted Lukas' current view of the day. Fortunately for his brother, the doctors had managed to save his life. Unfortunately for the blonde, he was now being sent somewhere else to stay to, in _their_ words, 'change his perspective of life'. He kicks a lump of snow, watching as it breaks apart and scatters everywhere - which pretty much summed up his heart and soul. He felt broken beyond repair, why couldn't they just see that? He wasn't ever going to be the same carefree little child that he once was, way back in a period of time he was even old enough to remember. Nothing was going to get better. He would always be an outcast, the freak who could see fairies, fairies that- that he wished he couldn't see. "Why couldn't this have happened to someone else? Why me? Why did I have to live? Well fate? Haven't you tortured me enough? Haven't you already shattered my heart enough and tormented me beyond relief?" Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to spill; tears that would soon freeze on his face, leaving icy trails and adding to the frozen wasteland that laid before him.

The town he was heading to felt like the middle of nowhere. The taxi driver had dumped him at the side of the road telling him to walk the next mile. Which, by the way, was not the ideal thing to do at eleven o' clock at night in the freezing cold Norwegian weather, especially dragging a large suitcase that contained almost everything Lukas owned. Eventually, much to the relief of the Norwegian's aching feet, he stumbled across the border of the town. The town in itself was relatively small, only have one school for all ages (W Academy) and everyone seemed to know each other pretty well. Lukas then resorted to his map and started trying to locate the house that he would be staying at. Almost all the pubs were open, ready to welcome in midnight which would result in cheerful drinking and finally people stumbling home drunk. His feet tapped along on the cobbled street counting down the numbers on the houses. 10 left, 9 left, 8, 7, all the way down to one. The dull eyes gaze up at an old-fashioned house containing a flourishing garden and an emerald green door. Lukas' destination, just short at one minute to midnight. However, as he got to the door, he froze. "I can't do it. I never wanted any of this. I can't do it." He mumbles. The moment quickly passes as he realises he needs to do this for Emil's sake. He'd most likely scarred the kid as much as he was with his mother.

  
His knuckles rapped on the door just as he heard the "Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!" and a blonde with the exact same shade of green eyes as the door opened it. "Uh... hey. Is this the Kirkland's house?" Lukas had to raise his voice slightly so the young adult could hear him over all the racket. "Hello, yes. I'm Arthur and you must be Lukas Bondevik, right?" Arthur held out his hand, "Come inside. Be prepared to become part of the family." Little did Lukas know; everything was going get better and the blonde in front of him was the key. Not only would Arthur become one of his best friends, he would soon be like a brother.


	2. Chapter 2

Emil's POV  
Is this really the right place? The one that I'm looking for? In front of me stands a rundown, creaky house. "Surely this can't be Yao's house?" I mutter, Mr Puffin nested on my shoulder. He mumbles, "Whatever, you punk." I head up to the front door and note how it swings open without me even having to touch it. Ughhhhhh, I feel like I'm in a horror movie. "Yao? It's Emil. Is anyone here?" I call out, stepping in. No answer. "Anyone at all? Hello?" My heart beats quickly when I see a shadow behind me. I turn, gulping and come face to face with a tall white-haired man, a scarf covering the bottom half of his face. "Privyet, comrade." Is all he says and stands looking down upon me. "Um, are you Yao?" My eyes drift down to a large metal pipe clutched within his hand. No normal person carries that around unless they're in a video game, it is a well-known fact. "No but I assume you want to meet him?" He smiles at me. It may be a kind, harmless smile but it chills me to bone. "Where is he?" I glance around, my only exit (the door) was nowhere to be seen. Oh my God, I'm so dead. I'm going to die before I even leave school - such a shame, I wanted to know what that world felt like. I wanted freedom. "He's not in this world at the minute, sorry." The - I'm assuming he's Russian - Russian guy continued to smile. I want to scream so badly. Not in this world means he's dead and this guy must have killed him! 

"Well... if you don't mind me, I'm going to go-" I turn and rapidly sprint in any direction. Unfortunately, a large hand clasps my shoulder and I feel the pipe being lifted just above my head. Thoughts rush through my brain including the fact that I never told Lukas that I'm just like him, that I can see them too. "Where are you going, Emil? You passed the test." My whole world spins when the pipe crashes down onto me and I find myself falling until my body makes contact with grass. Hold up- grass? My blue eyes blink to find that I am no longer in Yao's house. Oh great, just what I need, I bet I've died and gone to heaven. 

"I was wondering when you'd arrive! I've been waiting for hours!" I sit up to face a brunette with slightly larger than normal eyebrows looking down at me and wait- were those wings?! The scream I had been holding in finally left my lips. "Oh my God, oh my God- I'm dead aren't I? You must be the angel to collect me. Great, I can see my grave now: 'Emil Steilsson, age 16. Died when a crazed Russian man hit him over the head with a metal pipe'! I must say though, angels are a lot hotter than I expected-" I eventually glance at the guy again, who just happens to have an amused smirk painting his face. I hit him on the arm and growl, "My death is not funny!" His gorgeous eyes catch mine as he giggles, "I'm not, like, laughing at that. It's the fact that you are very much alive and very dramatic that I find amusing."   
"So... I'm not dead?"  
"Not in the slightest."  
"Then what the bloody hell are those?" I pointed to the crimson wings sprouting from his back, "Are you dressing up or...?"

"Oh, my wings are, like, real, alright. I guess no one has ever told you about this stuff, mage." Mage? What's he on about? Someone tell me that this is a dream because if it is, I'm officially off my nut. "About, like, the magical world?" He scans my face for any recognition but just finds a confused, blank expression. "Okay, well, you see, all that mythical stuff people say is just legend is all real. I referred to you as a mage earlier as it is most likely you possess some magical ability as you wouldn't be able to see this place otherwise." He winks at me, "Or this gorgeous guy in front of you!" Yeah he's right- hold on...

"So, I'm not crazy?"  
"Of course not! The government just makes you out to be! I'm Li Xiao Wang, or you could just call me Leon. I'm here to, like, pick you up. Yao sent me." Finally, someone who answered my questions that doesn't completely terrify me. As we started walking I noticed all of the trolls and other magical beings. "Um, Leon? Who was the Russian guy that hit me over the head?"

"Oh, that was Ivan. He's Yao's boyfriend. I'm terrified of that dude. Yeah, sorry about that. The rundown house is the closest portal to this world and he usually hangs around there when he's not making out with my brother." We stop at a cliff, "Emil, I'm going to need you to put your arms around me." My face goes almost as red as his wings as I oblige. I find myself screaming for the second time in ten minutes when we're flying through the air. Seriously though, how many times in one day do I feel like I'm going to die?! "It's ok. You're fine." Leon comforts me as we slowly approach a quaint house by the lake, "I never knew they make Icelandic men this cute though." He flirts and my blush deepens, "Yep. So cute. You also have white hair! That's so cool! You see, white hair a big thing where I come from." He explains and twirls some with his fingers. "So cute and pretty." He mumbles as we touch down which gives me a few seconds to try get my heartbeat back under control. "Where _do_ you come from?" 

"Hong Kong, China." He grins. "Welcome to our real house~" Leon then gestures towards the place in front of me. Mr Puffin looks questioningly at me as I follow my new acquaintance through the door.

Matthew's POV

"Soooooooooo bored!" My brother yells from the other side of the room. "Help me Mattie, I'm too great to die of boredom!" I chuck a pillow at him when he's off-guard and it catches him right in the face, "Maybe work on reducing your ego. That good enough for you, Al?" He pouts and grabs his electric guitar, "No. You are not going to make me go deaf, Alfred, ok? Put the guitar down!" He ignores me and plugs it into the amp, making sure he turns it up to maximum volume. "Watch me. I do what I want, Mattie!" His fingers make contact with the strings and I try to cover my ears from the blast but to no avail. He laughs at my pained expression and turns the volume down, softly singing. I catch the tune immediately. 'I'm your hero', his first hit. "Any luck with that guy you like?" I ask. Alfred glances at me, fingers still moving, "Of course not. I've liked Arthur for six years now and he still dislikes me." 

"Maybe you should try being quieter? Perhaps shouting 'Artieeeeeee' every time you see him isn't going to help your case." He blinks at me then combs his hands through his hair, avoiding the cowlick, "Maybe. But I want the dude to like me for who I am. Loudness included."  
"Ok. We go back to school soon, don't we?"  
"Yup, my Canadian bro. Back to hell."  
"Please," I glare at him, "At least you're the most popular kid in school, you stand out. I'm just a nobody. Nothing interesting about me." He'll never understanding. He's always apart from the crowd, people pay attention to him. Me? Not so much. Teachers usually forget that I'm a part of their class. It sucks. I'll forever be in my younger brother's shadow. Forget prom, I'll be lucky if someone even talks to me this year. 

One person did end up talking to me, by a complete accident. And it completely changed everything forever.   
But that's to come later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, please let me know your thoughts in the comments! (Pointing out spelling/grammar errors is also greatly appreciated)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and self harm

Arthur examined the slim figure in front of him. Light blonde hair, dull eyes in a lovely indigo shade and an oversized coat that contained the Norwegian flag in a corner. Now, whilst Arthur was most definitely gay, he felt no attraction to the male who was slightly shivering. Instead, Arthur felt as if he wanted to be a brother to him. "Uh... hey. Is this the Kirkland's house?" The boy's voice was quiet, and he had to raise it for Arthur to hear him over the racket erupting from inside the house. It also sounded really unused, as if he didn't talk often. "Hello, yes. I'm Arthur and you must be Lukas Bondevik, right?" Arthur held out his hand, "Come inside. Be prepared to become part of the family." Lukas stood there for a while, some conflict inside projecting for a split second in his eyes, which were hard to read. Finally, he grabbed Arthur's hand, "Better than freezing to death, I guess." He stated only it came out more like a question. Arthur bit his lip. It seemed like helping Lukas was not going to be an easy task. 

Lukas' POV  
I follow the British guy into his kitchen, out of the way of his family (thankfully), where the kettle was boiling. "I may be an awful cook but at least I can make a bloody cup of tea." He flashes a smile in my direction, his accent thick. From what I've found out in my research about this town, it's pretty multicultural with people from all around the globe living here. When finished, he hands me a cup and clutches his own. An awkward silence settles around us. "So... do you have any hobbies? Frequent activities?" Hmmmmm, let's see. Oh, how about wanting to kill myself on a daily basis? Does that count? (Note the sarcasm) "Not really. You?" He sets down his steaming cup of tea, "I, um, I play the electric guitar and generally listen to rock music." More silence. I slightly move my arms, but it ends up being too much when one of my wrists bash against the kitchen worktop. I clench my teeth from the pain that emerges, small tears forming in my eyes. I try to mask this as much as possible, unfortunately Arthur notices and grabs my arm, barely missing the fresh cuts that lie underneath my coat, sleeves, and bandages. He moves up all of them and I seem powerless to stop him. When he sees both scars, scabs, and the fresh cuts, he just stares at them for a minute. Then, ever so slowly, his gaze meets mine. 

"People can be such bastards." Is all he utters, "Not you. The people that I'm assuming are the cause of this." He next pulls me into a hug. It catches me off guard and I'm unsure what to do, I've only ever been hugged by Emil before. I barely know this man. "Why do you care? You don't know me. I guess I'll make it simple for you: I'm a freak, ok?" I pull away. "What, because you can see magical beings? You're not the only one. I can promise you that." So, he knows. For some reason though, he's acting differently to all the others. Yes, there's the usual sympathy that I get from counsellors, but I have a feeling his is for an actual reason. Not one of those 'oh you poor thing's. A mint coloured bunny touches down next to him and tucks its wings behind its back. I instinctively shy away from it. "This is- well to be honest she doesn't actually have a name- this is flying mint bunny." My mouth drops in shock, eyes bursting out their sockets. "I'm just like you, Lukas. We have the same condition. But while you seem to hate yours, I think it unlocks the real underlying beauty within this world full of war and fighting." The bunny comes closer to me and I back away. I don't want this at all! "I don't want this no matter how beautiful others find it! It's taken too much from me, caused me too much misery! You won't understand! This condition took my mother from me!" I shout, the tears dropping out my eyes. All the pent-up emotion and frustration starting to break down all the barriers I had put up.

"You sure it was this condition? Maybe it was the people around her." His green eyes gaze right into mine and I'm rendered speechless. "Look, your personal life is not mine to pry into. I won't push to know what happened. Telling people these things requires trust and I certainly haven't gained yours yet. I probably won't ever. That's not what I care about though. All I'm suggesting is looking at things through a change of perspective." Our cups of tea have long since been abandoned and I gaze into mine, looking at my reflection. In just a glimpse, I think I see the childhood version of me, full of hope and with not a care in the world. There's not a Nordic cross clip in his hair, that symbolises so much tragedy he's been through. None of that. All he does is smile. I blink and he's gone, replaced with me now. Depressed, done with life, the clip in his hair. My eyes fully well up and I start crying with ugly sobs. What happened to me? Did I really let my mother's suicide and bullying completely destroy me? "I- I was five-" I choke out, Arthur hugging me again. "It was just after Christmas- and- and Emil, my brother, was asleep upstairs. My mother- she started acting really strange. She- she gave me her hair clip-" My fingers brush the cross in my hair, showing it to Arthur. "She then got out some rope and slung it over the lamp hanging off of the ceiling. I still don't know to this day how it held her weight. She tied it into a noose and- and-" It becomes too much for me. I haven't told anyone all of this, not even Emil. "And killed herself." Arthur finishes and I give him a tiny nod.

"I'm guessing that people at your school weren't the best either to you? Was it the usual? You know, calling you a freak and 'fairy boy'?"   
"Yeah but they would get physical every now and then. I stopped talking to anyone but my brother. I thought that would help but it made things worse. As you've probably assumed, I'm suicidal. Before a couple of days ago, I would prepare but, as luck would have it, my lillebror would walk in just when I was ready to stab myself. I wasn't cruel enough to do it in front of him so that was enough to stop me." He's holding me close and in such an understanding way that it restores some faith in humanity. "Until two days ago." I take off my coat and pull up my top to show him the thick bandage wrapped around my chest. "I finally went all the way with it. I lodged a knife right into my chest. I thought it would be enough; the doctors saved me just in time." His fingers brush around the edge, avoiding the wound, a pained expression painted on his face. 

The rest of the night we just hug and hug. His face gets damp with his own tears. He comforts me, constantly whispering: "It's going to be alright. Everything will be fine." I'm fed this line so many times but for once... I believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written over a year and a half ago. I wish I could have written it differently (especially the fact that Norway opened up about all his trauma to a complete stranger - it's extremely unrealistic). Please keep that in mind if you share your thoughts in the comments. I wish I could change it but it would mess too many things up now so I'm focusing more on the chapters I haven't written on other fanfic sites yet so I can accurately portray Norway's trauma in future chapters. 
> 
> That being said, please let me know your thoughts in the comments! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Emil followed Leon through the front door, his puffin trailing not so far behind and already mumbling complaints. "Yao! I brought Emil!" Leon called out and a quite androgynous looking male walked out of the kitchen, his brown hair pulled into a ponytail. "Thank you, Li Xiao. How was the trip, Emil?" Now, Emil had to bite his lip to refrain from saying 'good - apart from the fact your boyfriend scared the absolute bloody hell out of me'. He wanted a great first impression as this was the house he would be staying in for the entire year. "Alright. Thanks for letting me stay here."   
"It's absolutely fine, aru. We can't let the government get their hands on a vital ally now can we, aru?" Government? What did they have to do with this? Emil wondered. He had yet to be fully briefed, but he'd already experienced the strange beautifulness of this utopia. As he looked closely, he could see a pair of wings sprouting from Yao's back. "It's in the genes passed down in our family. All of us have wings which we can hide at any point. Some, like my brother Kiku, have other abilities but we rely heavily on the ability to fly." Leon whispered to Emil, eyeing the Icelandic male with intense curiosity, an unfamiliar emotion stirring in his chest.

Leon's POV  
I'm going to have to consult my Japanese half-brother Kiku on this. I feel the strong urge to make a really good impression on Emil. He's just so cute! The way his eyes are lighting up with childlike wonder is breath-taking and I don't even know why. Kiku is probably holed up in his room at the minute, either watching yaoi or drawing yaoi. One of those. As I lead Emil upstairs to my room, where he will be staying, when I hear the loud singing of Yong Soo - I think he's listening 'Boomerang'. Yep, definitely. He's an avid K-pop fan   
A door opens to my left - Kiku. His dark soulless eyes gaze at Emil and I like they're trying to pierce our souls. He blinks a couple of times then squeals and runs back into his room. I hear the flurry of paper from his sketchbook and the scraping of a pencil afterwards. What was that about? I have no worldly idea. 

Kiku's POV  
As I open the door, I see the pair standing out on the landing. My eyes immediately pick up on something they can't see. The beautiful red string curled around their pinkie fingers, attached. Key word: attached. They're soulmates! Right. Operation: help Leon hook up with the new guy and get me some brilliant yaoi. To draw, to have as pictures, to watch- I don't care. I squealed at the thought and immediately disappeared back into my safe place. Ok... the new kid is apparently Icelandic, and Leon is from Hong Kong. Hongice. That shall be the ship name. I just need to help them fall in love with each other. The look on Leon's face proved to be easy; he's already falling. However, I'm not sure about the other one. Oh well, I'm going to set them up anyway! 

Emil's POV   
"Here's the room where you will, like, be staying." Leon smirks and blows his fringe out of his face. It seems to frame it perfectly. I mean, he is perfect. Hold up- there I go again. First I think he's gorgeous and now I'm saying he's perfect. Uh, stupid brain. I don't have time for this. There's no room in my life to sort out my sexuality; other things have higher priority than my happiness. Take my brother for example. I don't really know a lot about who I am as a person because I'm constantly terrified about his wellbeing. I don't mind though; you do for family. Still deep in thought, I feel myself being pulled into someone's arms. I blink and see Leon's eyes staring into mine, only a short distance apart, lips almost touching. It sounds cliché but all the blood in my body rushes to my cheeks. His arms are around my waist, holding me close. "Thought it would snap you out of your fantasy." He winks at me, though flustered despite his cool aloof image.   
"Really now?" I whisper, placing my hands on his back in an embrace. I guess it's safe to say I'm not straight. I don't know exactly what sexuality I am, just the fact that I'm not attracted to girls at all. Probably gay then. "Yeah." He replies, twirling me around. And suddenly, we're caught in a slow dance. Lukas would most likely go off his nut if he saw what I'm doing. Not only am I flirting with a stranger but I'm _flirting._ He's really overprotective that way. 

"This makes me think of all the romance films that end in a prom scene." I state and promptly hear a giggle.   
"So, you're comparing our dance to a romantic prom scene?" He grins whilst my face heats up. "I like it." Is all he says before his lips smash against my own. Butterflies erupt in my stomach, a sudden nervousness filling me. This is my first kiss; I have no idea what I'm doing. It feels soft and sweet. My cheeks have never felt so warm. I've never felt so relaxed yet flustered at the same time. Our bodies are pressed up against each other by the time we break for air. "I'm so sorry! I just assumed that you weren't- that you were into-" Leon freaks.   
I smile, "I'm into guys though. Don't worry." I speak softly as my lips meet his again. When it finishes, we gape at each other, unaware of a small Japanese male watching intently from the doorway, blood dripping from his nose. "We barely know each other." Is what I start with.   
"Yeah. I, uh, don't know why I, like, did that. I'm sorry, Emil." His eyes meet mine and I stare into the dark abyss filled with happiness and love. My hand grabs his (my brain thinking how nicely they fit together), "It's alright. I liked it, Leon." He smiles at me. I guess I've got a lot to work out after all, don't I? 

~  
Elsewhere, a Canadian male watches his twin, Alfred, hang out with his best friend. Said best friend's name was Gilbert Beilschmidt, a member of the Bad Touch Trio (consisting of Gil, Antonio, and Francis) and one of the most popular kids in school along with Matthew's brother. It was normal for Matthew himself to hide in the shadows. It's not like he would be noticed anyway. And yet, those rubies fixed on him and instantly brimmed with curiosity. Someone had noticed him. Someone who would become very special (I mean, awesome) to him indeed.


	5. Chapter 5

Lukas' POV  
When I awoke, memories of last night flooded back. I was in disbelief. Did I really open up that much? All because someone finally understood me. It seems I've found a person who knows how hard it is. "Good morning, Lukas." Arthur sits up beside me. Oh yeah... I crashed in his bed. No homo though, no homo. I take the time to glance around his room. An electric guitar lies stranded on the floor, an amp beside it. The walls are decked with posters of rock musicians; I recognised a few names like Queen, The Beatles, Bon Jovi, and Green Day. There are also many (and when I say many, I _mean_ many) posters of this one rockstar. His alias (no one knows his real identity) is 'The Hero'. He's apparently meant to be huge, but I've never listened to any of his songs. He's also surprisingly my age, 17, and originally everyone thought he would be obsessed over and suddenly no one would care anymore. They were wrong. He keeps producing more music and his fans keep growing. I finally break free of my thoughts, "Morning." I reply in a monotone. "We need to get ready. We're meeting some of my friends in town." He states. "Wait. You want me to socialise. Arthur, that's impossible. I can't socialise."   
"And here you are, talking to me. Come on." He ignores my many protests, so I end up in town, awaiting these 'friends' of his. 

"Ciao, bastards." I look up from gazing at the ground to come face to face with a dark brown-haired male. A large curl protrudes from the left side of his head. His arms are crossed, and he looks angry. Very angry. "Hello, Lovino. Bad New Year's?" Arthur next to me greets. My guess is that this is one of said friends. The Italian man groans, "You guessed it. Feli and that damn potato eater hooked up and now they're dating." Potato eater... very interesting nickname. "Bet Kiku's happy about that." More names I don't know. How fun. "You have no idea. Do you know how hard it is to watch your little brother kiss someone for the first time? Someone you hate as well?!" His hands grip at his hair, tugging at it but skillfully avoiding the curl, "And that's not even the worst of it!" 

"Did Antonio give you a kiss, Lovi?" Another person walks up. Light brown hair this time, red eyes, and slight fangs. He wears a teasing smile. "Yes! Only on the cheek but I'm still furious! Why on earth would he do that?! The damn jerk bastard." His hands are now making rapid gestures and flying all over the place. "And Arthur... did Alfred kiss you? Preferably on the stroke of midnight?" Red eyes questions, a mischievous glint visible. "Of course not, you git! One, that guy has never been to my house and two, I don't like Alfred F. Jones!"  
"So you keep telling yourself. You too Lovino, you like Antonio." The replies he gets are a flurry of "No I do not, Vlad, you absolute numpty!" (Arthur) and "Vaffanculo." (Lovino). 'Vlad' turns and notices me, "Hi. You must be Lukas. Arthur mentioned you'd be staying with him. I'm Vladimir Popescu, or just Vlad. I love winding these two up." He stretches out his hand. I take it. "I can see that." Known names: Arthur, Lovino and Vladimir. Unknown names: Feli, whoever 'damn potato eater' is, Kiku, Antonio and Alfred. I have a feeling I need to find out who they are. 

"So... who's Feli?" I ask. Lovino jerks his thumb at three people across the road. A tall blonde, an auburn-haired male with a curl like Lovi's and a short black-haired male. "Feliciano is my younger twin. The blonde next to him is his new boyfriend, Ludwig Beilschmidt. The short one is Kiku Honda, their yaoi shipping Japanese friend. And no, I am not stereotyping." More names known. Thank God. I hate being in the dark about things. "Um... Antonio?"   
"Urgh. He's a member of the Bad Touch Trio, a popular group at school. He's a Spanish jerk tomato bastard. Too cheerful." Lovino complains. Seems like he doesn't like him very much. "Oh God, not cheerful." I try out joking. It feels weird. Lovino points at me, "This one. I like him. What's your name?"   
"Lukas Bondevik."   
"Lukas, you have gotten my respect. No one and I mean _no one_ gets my respect. Ever." Arthur and Vlad nod at me. Vlad then whispers something to Arthur, who, in turn, screams: "I know I can't wait! I hope I get tickets! I hope so badly!"  
Lovino frowns, "They're talking about The Hero's concert in Oslo. Vlad's a bit of a fan but Arthur... he has a huge celebrity crush on the guy. He should just admit he's gay already!" Arthur stops his fangirling and blinks at Lovi, "Didn't I tell you guys?" They look at him blankly. "Oh. Well, um, I'm gay." I blink. As mentioned before, I was in the same bed as this guy last night. "Um..." 

"Oh, don't worry, Lukas. I have no interest in being gay for you even if you do look like an angel. I make it a rule never to fall for friends."   
"We're friends?" My eyes widen.   
"Of course! You're not going to stay in my house and spill your deepest darkest secrets to me if you're not my friend." I have a friend? How do I act? I've never had a friend in my life. "I'll be your friend too!" Chimes Vlad, a cheerful smile plastered on. Lovino stands there, "I consider you to be a tolerable human being." Arthur and Vlad laugh.   
"Seriously though. That's the best you'll ever get from Lovi." Vlad pretends to wipe a non-existent tear from his eye. Seems that I'm fitting in here already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I regret how I wrote this chapter. England should not have forced Norway to interact with his friends especially after what they discussed in Chapter 3 - it's very insensitive. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. These early chapters are a guide to me on what not to do in future chapters (I'm focusing on making people much more respectful of Norway's boundaries and privacy) so any input you have would be really helpful for me.


	6. Chapter 6

Lukas Bondevik huh? A Norwegian that strongly dislikes the gift he's been born with. I wholeheartedly agree with Arthur when he says he wants to change that. They both have no idea how much is at stake here. They've been (well I don't know much about Lukas but it's safe to say he doesn't know) mollycoddled their entire lives. My hand dials up a number on my phone and I wait. Surely someone will be home. I'd be very surprised if they weren't. 

"Hello? You've, like, reached the Wang household." A heavily accented voice speaks. "That is so cute, Leon. Do you always answer the phone like that?"   
"Hi Vlad." He sighs. "I assume you've, like, got news? This time I've got some for you as well." Curiousity bubbles in my stomach and travels up my spine with a tingle. The urge to know wraps its fingers around my neck, suffocating me and filling my brain with inquisitiveness. "Really? You go first then."   
"We've got one. A mage. He's, like, never practised magic before but I can tell already that he's important." I grin. Two potential allies in one day! This is great! "Are you serious?! Oh my God Leon, I'm so happy right now! We've acquired a mage too!"   
"Does the BTT know yet?" Is all that comes through. On the other side I hear a "Why do you refer to me as a mage?" Followed up with, "Because I highly doubt that, like, you can shapeshift, are a vampire, or something along those lines." That must be the guy then. "No, they don't. But they're going to be ecstatic when I tell them both things." 

"Ok. I'm going to let Emil on the phone now." He hands it over.   
"Halló. Ég heiti Emil." He must be nervous as he can clearly speak English yet has reverted back to whatever language that is. "Um, uh, sorry. I tend to speak in Icelandic when I'm nervous. Hello. My name is Emil." His voice is quite quiet and very soft. "Hi there! I'm Vlad and I'm a communicator on the other side! I guess that Leon hasn't filled you in on things yet so that's my job! You see, everyone used to live in harmony. Humans could see magical creatures, but they couldn't practice magic. Everything was fine until the governments of the world took us as a threat to their power. They became highly prejudiced and even created a machine that made all humans not be able to see what we see. That way they could easily identify us and be able to keep watch. We live in fear. We have no safe place except for a small section in our world now. They've stormed everywhere else and taken people as prisoners. Now, I know this is a lot to take in so feel free to ask me questions about myself to break it up." 

"Thanks. Yeah that would be good. So, what was the good news you told Leon?" Curious like me huh? "Oh. We found another person who's just like you - perhaps a little less accepting. His name is Lukas Bondevik and he’s staying with my friend Arthur." There's silence on his side. "Emil?"   
"My- my brother's called Lukas Bondevik. Does he have blonde hair, a Nordic cross hair clip and soulless eyes?" Small world. This is why I'm glad magic runs in the family. More friends, more allies. "He does in fact. That's unbelievable. Look Emil, I'll make sure your brother's alright. You can count on my friend Arthur and I for that." "Ok. Thank you." He breathes. I fill him in on everything else. As soon as the call ends, I find myself fiddling with the badge that represents all that we stand for. We have to beat them. I don't know what life will be like without persecution, but I want to find out. My blood red eyes drift to the clock on the mantelpiece. It's almost time for my daily drink. Just the thought stirs up the memory of what happened about 5 years ago. 

~  
On the day, I remember the sky, a clear blue sky, the sort of colour as you would find in bright blue paint. I remember being fascinated after such a struggling day of school that my eyes would behold this wonder. Clouds as fluffy as a what one would believe a large cotton ball were spread out over this cerulean blanket. A soft breeze rustled through trees' leaves, masking what should have been picked up on - the sense of danger. A sense of foreboding. The sense that I should be going anywhere but home right now. And finally, I noticed. Unfortunately, I was already too far through the front door. My parents stood there, deranged toothy grins flashing at me. My little brother lay at their feet; his body was appearing to be lifeless. Their eyes looked too mad, their fangs were in full view and craving blood - seeming to be more blood by the trail down the side of my mother's mouth.

"What did you do to him?" I tremble, the question indicating why my brother just happened to be lying like that. "Vlad sweetie, there's no need to panic. Your brother's just incredibly tired. We were about to pick him up and lie him down in his bed." Too suspicious. That's obviously not what happened. "You drank his blood." I state as my voice goes up an octave, "Didn't you?" They still grin at me, the smiles becoming terrifying. "Not exactly. First, the government told us that they would leave our family alone if we had a meal with them. It was very pleasant actually. And then it occurred to us. To become united as a family we should all have been turned." Turned. Like the reason we moved in the first place. Mum and Dad were turned by vampires hired by the government. The things people will do for a large amount of money. I could tell whatever those losers did to my parents were non reversible. "You turned him." They nod and move closer to me, locking the very door that's behind me. "Of course. And you're going to join him." That was the last thing before I blacked out, fangs buried into my neck. 

What was I supposed to do? After they had turned us, they were all set to hand us over to the enemy, on the enemy's wishes. I did what any person like me would have done in that situation. I had to leave with my brother. I miss my parents to this day. They had become one with the government though; controlled like puppets on a string. That's how important our cause is. This is why things need to change. Before more people are lost mentally and physically. 

I would give my own life just to see them defeated. 


	7. Chapter 7

The time to rest, relax and get used to the town was over. Lukas' first day at school had arrived and he was terrified despite all of Arthur's reassurances. After he was shown how to find his locker and work the lock, many students started pouring into the hallways. As soon as they did, Lukas became very self-conscious about everything he did and dropped his gaze to the floor. Sure, he had found some people that were fairly alright unfortunately he still loathed the human race. At least, for now. He was more than aware about the fact that children and teenagers could be extremely cruel when they wanted to. He tried his best to avoid all the others' stares, but this was a small town, which in everyone knew everyone else really well. The result? Lukas stood out like a sore thumb. And to deal with this, Lukas dealt with it the way he dealt everything else. First, he put on a calm and aloof mask to hide away the pain and suffering he was more than used to feeling. Second, he went completely quiet; no words would escape his mouth.

Arthur, on the other hand, managed to look underneath the mask Lukas put up and placed his hand on the Norwegian's shoulder. "Let's get out of this chaos. The first day back is always... how should I put it... crazy. Besides, we meet Vlad and the others in the back of the cafeteria." And so, they headed off. Before Lukas knew it, they were only a couple of metres away from the table containing Vlad, Lovino and a person who had dark brown hair tied in a low ponytail. They seemed to be in a conversation but that immediately sidestepped as soon as Arthur and Lukas' presence had been picked up on. "That, Yao," exclaims Lovi, "Is the person I am really glad about joining our group. Out of all the people Arthur could have staying with him, I like that he has someone who seems to get me." Lukas' eyes widened, mostly because no one had ever been that kind but slightly because this was coming out of Lovi's mouth. It seemed he wasn't the type of person to usually say nice things like that. 

Yao smiles, "Hi Lukas. I'm Yao Wang, aru. You can ask me any questions about W Academy, and I'll be happy to answer, aru!"   
"Um, hello. Nice to meet you."   
"Oh, Arthur! Sorry I couldn't make the other day, I had to look after my siblings - you know how they can't be trusted, aru." Arthur grins and accepts the apology, "It's fine." Just at that moment, the noise level rises so much it could smash through the roof. The Norwegian cranes his head to get a good look and notices four people have entered the room. One - a tall man with an athletic build and glasses - glances around the room and beams when he spots the Brit. He runs all the way up and leaves Lukas wondering if he's another friend. The look on the emerald eyed male's face only shows anger. "'Sup Artie! Did you have a good Christmas!" He practically radiates positive energy and cannot keep still. Arthur sighs, "How many times Jones have I told you to stop calling me 'Artie'. My name is Arthur. **Arthur.** You get it?!" Vlad slides up next to Lukas, "That, my friend, is Alfred F. Jones, most popular guy in school. He's actually really nice but Arthur hates his guts - I say he secretly has a crush on him, but he won't admit it." Although Arthur obviously was intent on being cold and rude, the American continued to smile, "I just think Artie suits you. That's all." 

"Well can you please stop, Jones. And think? That's unlike you." Alfred winces when this hits him but tries to hide it. "Arthur." Lukas whispers, "I know what kind of words can really upset people and those are some. Stop." Arthur gazes into the blonde's eyes and notices the dismay within them. "Anyway, I'll see you around _Arthur_." Alfred starts walking off, letting the last word smack the Brit right in the chest. Lukas gets up and catches up with him, "Hey." The American turns around and just stares at him. Lukas didn't really understand where he had found the courage to talk to the most popular guy in school, but it had suddenly showed up. Maybe it was the small moment when the man had a pained expression on his face, perhaps Lukas had seen a bit of himself in that moment. "I'm really sorry about all that. I don't know why Arthur started acting like that. I'll try make it stop though." 

"You really don't have to. It's fine. I'm used to this happening whenever I talk to him. He finds me loud, annoying, and obnoxious. I guess I am those things though. He's just listing facts." Alfred plastered a fake grin on his face, but Lukas knew all about putting on a mask. He could tell when someone was deeply hurting inside. "Want to talk about it? I've got time." Lukas offered.   
"Ok. Well, what to tell? Um, I like Arthur. That's all there is to know." Alfred whispers, "Welcome to the school though."   
"Thanks. Hope you'll be ok. I'm Lukas." They shook hands. "You don't need to worry about me, I bounce back quickly." With that, the first meeting concluded and the two parted ways. 

Lukas' POV  
Thankfully, I managed to make my way to my first DT lesson. Little did I know that it was time for another social interaction (seriously - what was happening to me?) This one would end up being the most important to me. Why? Because of him. Blonde gravity-defying hair, eyes as clear and blue as the sky on a beautiful day, a never fading smile. Mathias Køhler. I'll never forget the day I met him. All he did was walk up to me smiling. And all I did was make small talk, a strange emotion blossoming within my chest. I would later fall in love with this man and we would never leave each other's side until we die. "So, you're the new guy huh? The name's Mathias and I'm from Denmark!"   
"Born and raised in Norway, Lukas Bondevik." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yessss the main ship has now met! It only took seven chapters XD


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and self harm.

I didn't realise at first. I thought he was just another person. My brain hadn't quite yet realised what my heart already had. I could tell he was getting quite sick of constantly introducing himself so I thought I could change it up a bit; make things different. "So, you're the new guy huh? The name's Mathias and I'm from Denmark!" I grinned, a full-length smile decorating my features. "Born and raised in Norway, Lukas Bondevik." We became quite close in that lesson. He was actually really funny, and, by the end of the lesson, he had gone from frowning to smiling. It suited him. It suited him so well. For me, well, by the end of that lesson I had fallen. And man, I had fallen hard. 

You see, I'm also linked to the magical world. I was born in the Danish part of it and grew up there. However, it got too dangerous when - you guessed it - the government showed up. Now my family lives at the top of the cliff that Yao's house is situated at the bottom of. There are many complicated enchantments on the border between our world and theirs and it's my family's job to regulate who comes through and who doesn't. My ability is to see people's souls. I can see whether they're good or bad. Another thing that comes with this is that I can see small parts of information about the person. Sometimes it's hobbies, other times it can be deep dark secrets that I wouldn't share with the world even if I were to die if I didn't. This ability helps us decide who is able to cross the border and who shouldn't. It helps us see if they're the enemy or not. When I saw Lukas, I found out that he had a younger brother whom he adored more than anything. But with that... just one word. Suicidal. The guy I have a crush on is suicidal. 

That was why it made me so joyful that he was smiling by the end of our encounter. Nothing has ever made me as happy as that moment. When I saw him smiling, I just knew. I really liked this guy. And for the next couple of nights, everything was fine. That's is, until my ability showed me something new. More specifically, while asleep I found myself viewing Lukas' entire life. Not only did I view his life, I viewed it as if I was Lukas. I saw everything. Lukas as a baby, when his brother was born, when his mother died (that was especially painful to watch), his brother having to live in Denmark for a while (he actually stayed with us) and when he was bullied throughout secondary school. 

Sometimes I would wake up and still think I was Lukas. I experienced all his private thoughts, his emotions and suffering. This caused me to sometimes walk into the bathroom, pick up a razor, roll up my sleeve... Thankfully as soon as I laid the razor on my wrist I realised who I was. That would always snap me out it. The dreams were quite sporadic as well. Some nights there was nothing, some nights there were so many things. What was the weirdest part of this was finding out why I was having these dreams. Sure, I'd never had a crush before but was my ability going to make me live the person's life each time I grew to like someone too much to be recognised as platonic? 

I found out one evening when my parents and I were all around the table, eating a meal. My dad just looked up at me and said: "So, I think you're almost near that age. The one where you meet your soulmate and our ability causes us to dream of that person's life through their eyes." Needless to say, I had to spit out my drink back into its glass from shock. "What?!" And then my mum just chimes in with this, "It happened to your father and me. It's perfectly normal." Yeah, I guessed as much. I'm more shocked about the fact that Lukas is my soulmate over anything. 

A few weeks passed and I got even closer to Lukas. Each experience only made me fall for him harder. "Hello, Mathias. How's your day been so far?" He glances at me. Just that one glance gave me so many emotions and so many butterflies blossomed in my stomach. The lesson was normal until, for whatever the reason is still unknown by me, I collapsed. Completely fainted in the middle of class. Nothing was wrong with me either. A flashback of Lukas' past entered my mind and this one consisted of him staring at a drawer. He opened it up and grabbed the large knife concealed under many objects and paper. He was so calm and collected as he held it by his chest, head glancing around to make sure his brother wouldn't walk in on him. Lukas then exhales and whispers, "Here goes." Immediately, I'm filled with intense pain as he plunges the knife deep into his chest, rivers of blood gushing from the wound. More things happened after that, but I wasn't paying attention. None of that mattered to me. Only the fact that I had just seen the person whom I care about most stab themself in the chest. 

When I awoke, I was in the Nurse's office, lying down on a bed, tears streaming down my face. A face peers over and realised I'm awake. "Thank God! Mathias! I was so worried!" Lukas. Lukas is here. Lukas is alive. And he's standing right over me, wondering why I'm sobbing my heart out. He pulls me into a tight hug, and I cry into his chest. Oh God. His _chest._ "Mathias? What's wrong? Are you ok?" Our eyes become level and I'm honestly surprised that his are full of concern. I have no clue what to say. How do I start off a conversation that's about the fact he almost died? I wipe the tears away, "Lukas, I, um, just want you to know that you are the most beautiful, most amazing person I have ever met." And I'm hopelessly, irretrievably, eternally in love with you. But those words don't come out my mouth. It's too soon. He barely knows me and is just recovering from a suicide attempt. "At the end of the year, when you leave, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life without you in it." Suddenly, Lukas is crying slightly. "That-" He starts, "Is probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Thank you... just... thank you."   
"Hey, don't cry. I'm your friend. Friends say this sort of stuff to each other."   
"Well I guess I don't know how it feels." We're still in each other's embrace. "Because of society?"   
He nods, "To them I'm a freak. A freak who can see magical creatures."   
"Let me tell you a secret." He glances at me, "I can see them too. You're definitely not alone Lukas. You may have been before, but you will never be walking through life by yourself ever again." 


	9. Chapter 9

More than a month had passed since I first arrived at W Academy. In that time, I had found some amazing people. Arthur was the openly gay friend who was obsessed with rock music, Vlad was the one you could always depend on to tease everyone else, Yao was kind, dependable and a great cook, and finally, Lovino was the angry friend who would waste no time to insult people but deep down you knew he cared. I had also briefly met Lovi's twin brother Feliciano, his boyfriend Ludwig, and their Japanese friend Kiku. There were short times when I saw the infamous BTT and one member, Antonio, would always bother Lovi. This pleased Vlad to no end when he would find opportunities to poke fun. I would also spend time with Alfred - who was not as bad as Arthur made out - and a woodwork club I joined. 

They refer to themselves as the 'Nordics' which makes sense. Tino Väinämöinen, the leader, is a bubbly, friendly guy from Finland. His boyfriend, Berwald Oxenstierna, a quiet stoic man from Sweden. My close friend Mathias, who, as you already know, is from Denmark. And me, a Norwegian. On the days I don't go, they say they have an Icelandic male participate (which reminds me of Emil). Speaking of Emil, I get updates from him every now and then. He seems to be happy and the surprising thing is, I am too. It's as if a switch was flicked when I met Mathias. Sure, my friends helped but he made the biggest difference. I'm slowly, very slowly but it's something, stopping inflicting harm onto myself. 

Today though, seems to be special. I've never cared that much about Valentine's day, but everyone appears to be really hyped. As soon as I reach the table, things already appear to be different. For one, Vlad's staring off into space with a strange smile plastered on his face. "Hey guys. What's up with Vladimir over there?" Yao and Lovino glance up but Vlad does not notice or hear anything I said. "I think red-eyed-bastard isn't alone on this stupid holiday." Just like me, the Italian looks really fed up and doesn't care. "You're not going to celebrate Buon San Valentino?" Arthur asks. "All it is a stupid day to remind certain people how lonely they are and for people like me, how much we hate love and couples." Lovi remarks and flicks a rubber at Vlad's head. That gets his attention. "You still have friends you know." 

"Sorry. Morning guys. I, uh, saw my childhood best friend yesterday for the first time in a while and well..." He trails off. "Not so much of a 'friend' anymore?" I inquire and he nods with a prominent blush. "Give us the details." Arthur smirks, probably going to use them as karma for all the times the Romanian has made fun of us. "Well, uh, I always liked him as a kid." Vlad replies through his fingers as they cover his face. "Hold up. 'Him'? You're gay?" The Brit interjects. Vlad gives him a small smirk. "So that only makes Lukas and Lovino the not confirmed gay people here." "What about Yao?"   
The Chinese man looks at me, "I'm dating Ivan Braginsky. He's the Russian in our history class that Alfred always disagrees with." Ok, nevermind. I guess this isn't the time - especially with Lovino's expression - to tell them that I might be gay. I mean, why else would I think Matthias is extremely hot? "Anyways," Vlad continues, "Damn guys did puberty work its magic on him. Oh my God. Very, very good looking." Arthur still has an amused smile; he's known Vlad longer than anyone else bar Yao, so this is an interesting development. Lovi appears to be in a worse mood than normal today; he's actually got his head lying on the table. "We got talking and then, completely out of the blue, he kisses me." I continue to study the youngest member of the group (oh yeah, btw, Lovino is a whole year below us) as he groans at the word 'kiss'. Something is seriously getting to him. I scan around us and spot Mathias waving at me from across the room. "Oh, hey guys, I'm just going to see how Mathias is. I'll be back soon." 

“Please do. Don’t leave me with these romantic fools.”

"Going to ask him out are you?" Vlad calls out and for a second, a split second, I consider it. Then I shake my head and snap out of it. He's my **friend**. 

"Oh good. I don't have to third wheel anymore." Mathias grins, referring to Tino and Berwald who are - not so subtly - hugging. "Have you heard the gossip going around? I, for one, can confirm it to be true as I saw it." His bright blue eyes stare at me, clear, no clouds. I find myself again admiring every inch of him and a smile works its way onto my face despite me not feeling the need to smile at all. There's something about him that just makes me feel like everything's ok. That I'm not a freak, that I'm not suicidal, that things are really getting better for me. The strange emotion blooms in my chest again, "What gossip? And anyway, I thought you of all people were better than that." He flashes me a slightly guilty smile, "The gossip that Antonio kissed a kid who’s a year younger than us. He's... uh, I'm so bad with names! He's the guy that... uh... Feliciano Vargas' twin."   
"Lovino?!" I shout, attracting attention from a couple of people around us and a glare across the room from my aforementioned friend. "That's his name!"   
"Mathias, Lovino is one of my closest friends. That must be why he's acting slightly weird." It all makes sense now.  
"After the kiss, he kind of slapped Antonio." The Dane glances at me. "That is definitely Lovi. Definitely something he would do." I'll talk to him later. 

A while afterwards, I crossed paths with my locker, a plastic bag hanging off of its handle. Vlad and Arthur immediately stop and stare at it. I walk up, open the bag, and withdraw the piece of paper resting at the top.   
_Dear Lukas,_  
 _I've gotten to know you over these past few weeks and I just can't help falling for you. I know this is a lot to process and I'm in no rush to reveal my identity (heck, I'll probably make a fool of myself). I just wanted you to know that you are beautiful, caring, and precious. Never forget that._  
 _Love, anonymous._  
Whilst I'm reading, Arthur and Vlad crane their heads to get a look, but I move away from them. No thoughts race through my head and I'm mostly in shock. Then, I uncover what was underneath the note. A sailor hat. Whoever this is, they must have been around when I met up with Mathias that one time and wore a navy sailor's outfit. Or it could be Mathias... no. Stop. I don't know why I'm having these deluded fantasies about my friend, but they have to stop. 

That note was the start of something new. I'd never been in love and I certainly had never had someone fall for me. I didn't think it was possible. But, then again, I guess anything is possible when it comes to love. Man, was I going to learn that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think wrote the anonymous note? Let me know your opinion in the comments.


	10. Chapter 10

The day before February 14th proved to be quite bleak and dull. You could hear the tap of shoes on cobblestone as the Romanian huddled along, a scarf wrapped around his neck in a vain attempt to warm himself from the piercingly cold temperature. The amount of blood the vampire drank last night must have not been enough to keep him at least slightly warm. As soon as he reached his house, he turned the heating up and allowed himself to shiver whilst applying friction onto his hands. This was all to no avail. Although Vlad was used to the typical Norwegian weather, he had difficulty maintaining a steady amount of body heat. He had no strength to stop himself from turning into a human iceberg and conjuring up a fire would be too risky given his... certain situation. 

His thoughts were all interrupted when there was a sharp, rapid knock on the mahogany door. And when he went to open it, he received a surprise that he never expected. A young man stood before him, one that he hadn't seen since childhood. This was Aleks, a Bulgarian and Vlad's childhood best friend and crush - one that he hadn't had any contact with, for years. Black hair rested upon his head, emerald green eyes adjourning his features and a smile lightly dusted the edges of his cheeks. The brunette's own vermilion orbs seemed to gain a rare sparkle as soon as his gaze fell upon the visitor. The Bulgarian had hoped that Vlad would be here and immediately noticed how much his friend had changed appearance-wise. Consequently, he cleared his throat and asked, "Vlad? Is that really you?" To this, all the Romanian did was nod, a hue appearing on his face that matched his eyes.

"I, uh," Aleks scratched the side of his head bashfully, "How have you been?" When the brunette opened his mouth to speak, the Bulgarian noticed two gleaming fangs a whole centimetre longer than the other teeth. He also paid attention to the Romanian's gradually darkening eyes the more blood he required. Vlad was most definitely not stupid, he realised why his friend was observing him with a close eye. He knew Aleks was not speciest, having been fine with Vlad's parents after they turned and having being a werewolf himself. Still, he was weary of how the other would act. Slowly, the noirette lifted his hand up and held Vlad's mouth open, giving him a full view of the other's teeth. "Explain." Is all he said as he let his hand drop down by his side.

So that was it. That was how he would act. This, however, neither calmed nor helped the Romanian as he felt his heart pick up its pace on the treadmill it was already running on. More colour drained from his eyes the more blood being circulated around his body. At this rate, he feared he would end up draining the man in front of him. That would not be a good place to pick up on with his crush: 'oh, by the way, sorry for sucking your blood'. The Bulgarian male still looked at him with anticipation. Vlad stammered, "Well, uh, what is there to say? The government controlled my parents and they turned me. End of story." Aleks, at first, did nothing but stand still. Then, with no hesitation, he pulled the other close. "To me, this changes nothing. You're still Vlad." The Romanian had no suspicion towards his friend, though perhaps he should have when the government had taken control of his parents - they could have done it to his friend as well. Now, you'll be glad to hear that they haven't, that Aleks is perfectly fine and is here of his own accord. 

"So," Vlad started, "Why exactly did you come here, Aleks? Why today of all days?" His face contained a certain smirk, his usual playful grin. "Want to know the truth? Well..." His hand brushed the brunette's face, "Because tomorrow is Valentine's day." Immediately after this, his lips brush against Vlad's. The kiss in itself, was short, it was sweet, it was everything the Romanian had ever dreamed it would be. When they broke apart, he rapidly pulled in the Bulgarian for another. "Best. February 13th. Ever." He whispers to his new boyfriend at the end of the day and the other's reply consists of another kiss.

~  
We skip back to the current day. More specifically, our Hong Kongese and Icelandic males. The two were hanging out in the canteen, watching Mathias fuss over whether a certain person had seen the anonymous note and gift or not. Emil regarded this scene, amused. After all, it was his brother that the Dane had a crush on. Leon, on the other hand, anxiously stared at the Icelandic male next to him. Once again, he analysed the structure of the other's face and noted in his thoughts how beautiful his best friend's smile was. Leon was no fool, he realised he was in love with Emil (though it had taken a while to figure it out). It was lunch and a certain Finn and Swede were coming to join them. "So," said Tino, sitting down, "How about we play truth or dare: Valentine's day edition." 

Mathias stopped his worrying, "Isn't that just like normal truth or dare?" Which earned him a harsh glare from the smaller male. No one had the guts to argue with an angry Tino, so they all agreed to play. "Mathias, truth or dare?" The Dane knew if he chose dare that he would probably have to ask his crush out and he certainly wasn't ready for that. "Truth." He gulped.   
"Who do you like?" An obvious choice of question. Heck, what would truth or dare be without the whole 'tell us who you like' part of it? "I- uh, L-Lukas..." The Dane stuttered, a noticeable blush peeping onto his face. This was not new news to what Kiku had dubbed as 'Hongice’, but it was quite hilarious to watch Tino and Berwald's jaws drop. The most interesting part being that Mathias got that much emotion out of the Swede. "You do?" Tino whispered, "That's actually adorable! You two are perfect for one another!" This comment only made the Danish male stare at the floor in complete and utter embarrassment. "Emil, truth or dare?" The Icelander stared at the ground, "Dare." A slight hint of fear lingered in his violet eyes; eyebrows furrowed. 

Tino grinned, scheming in his mind, hoping to cause the pair in question to become incredibly flustered. "Kiss Leon." The silver haired teen's head whipped up rapidly, "What?!"   
"I said kiss Leon." A Cheshire cat grin plastered on the Finn's face. "This is stupid." Emil stood up, "I'm leaving." However, as he turned to go, he felt someone grab his sleeve. He went to glare at the person when he noticed it was none other than the boy he had been dared to kiss. "Leon." Emil breathed, the name lingering under his breath and on his lips. The Hong Kongese male's arm was round his waist and this was used to pull the other forward, their lips colliding. Emil was caught by surprise, his best friend holding him close, there was no chance to get away. It didn't help the shy, antisocial teen that the whole cafeteria was staring at the scene taking place. 

As they broke apart, Leon winked at Emil, "You have to, like, complete your dare, idiot." Emil just shot him a frosty glare and walked away; Icelandic profanities being muttered under his breath. This, unfortunately, was not the only thing that would grab everyone's attention that break time. 

~  
Lukas' POV  
"No I don't want to talk about my 'secret admirer' guys. Personally, I don't know what the point of love is and Vlad that is not an argument you can participate in, you lovestruck fool." The Romanian, after making an indignant noise, fell silent once more. "I agree." Lovino shot daggers across the room at Antonio, "Everyone's a bastard in my opinion. They can all vaffanculo." I shot him a worried glance and he shook his head, meaning 'I'm fine'. Yeah right, like I will believe that. I of all people know when someone is not doing alright, no matter how hard they try to hide it. 

All the members of our table aren't paying attention, they're caught up in two guys kissing. In fact, everyone seems to be looking. "Li Xiao, that- that-" Yao splutters, trying to conjure up words. A mop of silver hair gets my head of the clouds. The height of the male as well... "Emil?" I mutter. No, it can't be. Emil doesn't go here, I think. Instead I ask, "Who's Li Xiao?" Probably butchered that pronunciation. "Yao's brother, well- one of. He's the year below us. Oh yeah, by the way Lukas, never mentioned this and I probably should have, the Wang family are relatives of mine." Now he tells me?! Does that mean Yao and him are related? "I'm his cousin, aru," the Chinese male replies, answering the previously unanswered question in my brain. The two guys up the front break apart and I can just about hear, "You have to, like, complete your dare, idiot." I catch a glimpse of their faces; the brunette must be Yao's brother whilst the other... "Hellig dritt." Emil. It's Emil. 

"Lukas," Lovi meets my eyes, "Even though we are not fluent in Norwegian, everyone knows profanities in other languages." Embarrassment dusts my cheeks a light pink. Dammit. "Is everything ok?" His gaze shows concern. Lovino can be quite motherly and protective when it comes to his friends. "The, I guess you could call him albino, the albino's my lillebror." What's he doing at W Academy?! Why didn't he tell me? "Emil Steilsson's your brother?!" Yao gasps. "You know him?" I ask.   
"He stays with us just like you stay with Arthur, aru. Oh my God, I should have put two and two together!" 

"Guys." Arthur tries to grab our attention but fails miserably. "How is he?"   
"Guys." Nothing.  
"Great, great. He's such a sweet guy though! I probably shouldn't let Li Xiao corrupt him then. He can be quite mischievous; I wonder who's fault _that_ is." He glares at the Brit as soon as said Brit shouts, "Guys!" All of us, Lovino and Vlad included, turn, and respond with: "What?!"   
"Look," he nods to the centre of the cafeteria. Alfred is on the phone, his face ash stricken, shaking slightly. "Aw Arthur's interested in Alfred for once-" Vlad's teasing falls flat once he catches sight of the usually cheerful American's face. The blonde ends the call and promptly runs off. "I wonder what that was about."   
Arthur pales, "I'm going after him. He- he was crying." He chases after Alfred, concern all over his expression. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend listening to Green Day's 'Wake me up when September ends' while reading this. It's a very emotional song and ties in well with the chapter.

_ Last time in 'Underneath the Mask': _   
_Alfred is on the phone, his face ash stricken, shaking slightly. "Aw, Arthur's interested in Alfred for once-" Vlad's teasing falls flat once he catches sight of the usually cheerful American's face. The blonde ends the call and promptly runs off. "I wonder what that was about."_   
_Arthur pales, "I'm going after him. He- he was crying." He chases after Alfred, concern all over his expression._

~  
"Alfred!" Arthur chased after the blonde, shouting. The initial adrenaline had given him some boost, but the novelty had soon worn off as lactic acid flowed into his legs and arms, shortening his breath. Unlike the American, Arthur was not on some sports team. No. The Brit loathed sports of any type and was pretty sure sports hated him too. He was rapidly losing sight of Alfred, all his limbs weighing him down and eventually, he had to take a break. 

His lungs soon set to work. His breaths were already more frequent but now they were deeper, and his body racked at the amount of oxygen his body was trying to consume. "D-dammit-" he mutters, his Caterpillar brows furrowed. He really was a pathetic excuse of a man. Accepting defeat (and finally recovering from actually doing some exercise for once), he decided to head by the music rooms to get a bit of practice in, take his mind off of the situation at hand. Stopping by his locker, his hands settled on his electric guitar. 

However, when he reached the music rooms, a familiar tune swept him away, so somewhat hauntingly beautiful. His ears had immediately pricked when he heard the strings being plucked. Joining it now, was a voice, a voice that (despite its usual loudness) captured the melody, a voice that, had it not been muffled with sobs, could have made anyone fall in love with its owner. "Summer- has- come- and passed- the innocent can- never last- wake me up- when September ends-"

  
"Like my father's- come- to- pass- seven years has- gone- so fast- wake me up- when September ends..." The voice trailed off, sobs overcoming it. Arthur by this point had walked up to the door and was watching Alfred F. Jones attempt to sing Green Day through his pain and misery. Arthur slipped his own guitar out of its case, his fingers ready to strum and join in. You may be wondering why on earth he would do this. Why he wouldn't comfort the man in front of him. The fact was Alfred was not the type of guy to confess what was wrong. He would hide his true feelings inside, underneath a mask, not wanting to feel a burden to anyone. Arthur wanted to make the male feel safe to tell him what was wrong, creating a safe environment for him. 

Arthur took a deep breath, noticed how Alfred hadn't seen him and sang, "Here comes the rain again, falling through the stars. Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are." The American's head snapped round, his bright blue eyes dull, tears streaming and flying everywhere. Arthur's fingers kept strumming, "As my memory rests but never forgets what I lost, wake me up when September ends~" His hands rest, his presence made known. "A-Arthur, why- why are you- why do you of all people care?! No, you know what? I don't care. I- I don't need anyone- it didn't happen- it's not true- I won't believe it's true-" That's when Arthur thought all hope was lost. The cheery, bubbly, if somewhat annoying and loud, Alfred was reduced to a broken, shell of a man. Arthur didn't even know why. But he could take a guess. 

There was a reason that Alfred was playing this song in particular. Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this song in memory of his father who passed away. He fled from the funeral and when he came out of his room the first words he said were "Wake me up when September ends". Alfred had broken down after the lyrics 'like my father's come to pass, seven years has gone so fast'. Could it be something to do with Alfred's father? Probably. "What's wrong, Alfred? Please tell me." The Brit choked out, tears welling up in his eyes. He was never good at helping people who were crying but a sudden instinct swept over him and he hugged the shaking American. Alfred's eyes widened, and, if not for the situation at hand, would have blushed at Arthur's touch. "My- my dad- he- he-" Alfred broke down again, grabbing the back of Arthur's shirt, pulling him closer. "Did he die?" Questions the emerald eyed male, no beating around the bush required. As a result of hanging around Lukas, Arthur had become quite blunt in the way he spoke. 

"Yes." Alfred was regaining himself a bit now, still nestled up against Arthur's chest, both men sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around each other. "He works- sorry, he _worked_ for the American air force. He stayed there after we moved to Norway. My mum just called and told me the news. He died defending his country apparently." Tears were ever present in his eyes; they weren't going to disappear any time soon, that's for sure. "At least it was honourable though. You know, like the Kamikaze pilots we learnt about a few years ago. Honour until death." Arthur whispers. He knows the two things are different, but he wants Alfred to understand that what his father did was probably for many. "He probably saved many lives during his service. I know his death will be hard to handle but you must feel slightly proud as well." Gears looked like they were turning in the American's head. "I guess you're right."   
"I'm not the best person to be comforting you, though. I've never had to deal with death. Lukas, however, you could talk to about this. He knows what it's like to lose a parent." 

"What's this about me?" A monotone voice spoke up from the doorway. Both men glanced up and noticed a familiar platinum haired Norwegian. Arthur regarded his position and blushed as Vlad peeked from behind Lukas, smirking. "Arthur was just saying you knew what it's like to lose a parent." Alfred chimed, his voice flat. "Well, well, well. What a predicament, Arthur. I thought you said you didn't like him that way?" The Romanian grins, causing Arthur to become more flustered and annoyed. "It's not like that and you know it, Vladimir!" The Brit yells. Lukas shoots Vlad a look and the red eyed male mutters a, "Fine. I'll leave," and walks away. "Anyway, ja, I do. My mother died when I was young. I have no idea where my father is, I don't remember him so I can only assume he's dead too." 

"I'm really sorry. How did your mother die?" Alfred asks, concern sweeping into his voice. Arthur, on the other hand, was comprehending the situation. He had never heard Lukas mention his father. 'He must be an orphan then' the Brit thought. "Suicide." As stated earlier, Lukas was a very blunt person. If Mathias were being an idiot, he would tell him so. If someone seemed down, he would get right to working out the problem. If Arthur and Yao were fighting and it was annoying him, he'd tell them to stop without seeming to care about the consequences. "I assume that what we're talking about though isn't about that, so I won't go on. Alfred, if you ever need to talk to me about this please feel free. I know that some people don't cope with these things well and go off the rails. I don't want that to happen to you so please talk to me if it's eating you up inside." 

Alfred nodded, "Ok. Thanks, Lukas." With that, Lukas left and the two were alone (well, as alone as you can be with someone else). "Are you going to leave school early?"   
"Of course. And Arthur?" They face each other. "Thanks for staying with me. I probably won't come to school for a long time though. I need to recover… if I ever do." Alfred sighs. "Take as much time as you need. Trust me, I know it hurts now and it will for a very long time but one day you will wake up and it just won't hurt as much." Alfred makes eye contact with Arthur and in that moment, contemplates about kissing him. They both stand up and pack away their guitars. "One more thing, Alfred. I hope you get better soon because when you don't smile, the days are just bleak, depressing, and meaningless." Arthur strides out of the room, his own emerald orbs widening at his own sentence. 

~  
"Lukas." The Brit says later that day, flopping down on his bed. "Hm?" Comes the reply. "I have a problem."   
"Is it the fact that you comforted Alfred F. Jones earlier and didn't call him 'Jones' the entire time?" Lukas tries to guess.  
"More than that."   
"Oh, ja? The indigo eyed man asks.  
"I'm in love with Alfred freaking Jones, aren't I?”


	12. Chapter 12

Sun glinted on the grass as we walked on it. The day was perfect. Fresh air blowing through the trees, no clouds in the sky, a slight increase in temperature despite it being February in Norway. A perfect day... to be inside. So. Why the hell am I outside?!

Hello. Emil Steilsson here. Currently I am in a situation I would rather not be in as you can see. Now I was just going to learn magic or 'unlock my powers' (as my annoying Hong Kongese best friend puts it), as you do. "So, you're telling me that this girl can summon ghosts and I'm going to learn magic from one of these ghosts?" I question Leon next to me. This causes me to look at him, something I try refrain from doing. The reason? No, not because I have a huge crush on him, thank you. No. It's because it always brings this one thought into my head. The thought? Leon needs a goddamn haircut. Jesus Christ, the length of it! If he cares so much about looking 'hip' and 'trendy' then why does he insist on having it that length!

Anyways, rant aside, we were having a conversation about this girl called Natalya Braginsky, who (apparently) is in our year. (I make a point not to socialise with people) She (apparently) can summon ghosts, which is cool, I guess. I just love communicating with the dead. Totally doesn't bring back bad memories of death (my mum's - fortunately, I did not see that, Lukas' near-death). So, yeah. How fun. "Em? Emil? Email? You can't, like, just ask a question and then zone out!" I snap back to the pain in the ass (well, I mean, he is gay, sooooo)(yeah, please forget about that comment immediately)(I mean it). "My name is not Email." I glare.

On most days I don't generally mind my nuisance of a friend (I must have been desperate for friends if I chose Leon. God!) but please cast your mind back to a couple of days ago. You see, we played a game of truth or dare with Tino (bad idea. Very bad idea. Should have run away immediately) and Leon kissed me. In front of the whole cafeteria. In front of my brother who 1) now knows I go to the same school as him and 2) probably wants to kill Leon and/or me. "Well. It might as well be as you're, like, completely ignoring me." That doesn't make much sense... "Why? Is it because you're spam? In the case that you're a complete pain and need to be ignored at all times?" I retort. Good one, brain. "Or that you are complete trash?" He puts a hand on his chest, "I am, like, deeply hurt. How could you, Em?" He's being dramatic. And he says I am a dramatic person. Hypocrite.

"The answer to your question is yes. This man helps all the new beginners like you. He's incredible and can teach you must more than my family can. Not unless you somehow have wings." He states. "Does that mean he doesn't have a specific 'ability'?" Otherwise, how can he teach everyone else? "Oh, he does. He's part dragon. He's just, like, incredibly wise."   
"Part dragon? Not completely? Did a human have sex with a dragon or something?" My eyebrows are raised. (Please say that isn't the case. I don't want to live my life knowing that. Please God no.) "No. I think it was because of some mixing of genes. Human experiments, like, hundreds of years ago. I'm not exactly sure but no, no one had sex with a dragon." He's smirking. Of course, he is. Idiot.

"Do you have any idea what I will be?" I'm curious. What does this weird person think will fit me, I wonder? "Well, I'm pretty confident you will be a mage aka a magician. You could be anything though; there are so many possibilities." A magician huh? Could be cool. He grinds to a fast halt in front of me, without warning. This causes me to walk straight into him. "What the bloody hell, Leon!!" I exclaim, an imaginary anime tick mark appearing on my head. "This is, like, taking forever. I can't be bothered to walk that much. Let's fly." He gives me a side glance, calm, cool and collected. It pisses me off. "I can't fly, you moron." Honestly, is he an absolute idio- "I'll carry you." His voice is so monotonous that it reminds me of my storebror (big brother). He then proceeds to face me, our faces inches apart (cliché, I know), his expression blank and emotionless. In one smooth movement, his arms sweep my legs from under me and mine grab around the back of his neck. He's ended up carrying me bridal style. Of course, now his face shows emotion, a smirk plastered right there, touching his cheeks. This was his fucking plan, wasn't it? My face must be a mix of angry and flustered.

"How can you carry me so easily?" I ask, his arms holding me up like it's nothing. "I do martial arts; it can build up your muscles." Oh great, he has to be toned as well, he's totally not hot (yeah right). "Also, you're surprisingly light, Em." He takes a look at my face, "Wow, you've gone really crimson. You know that right?" My mouth stretches into a pout. Yes, I know I'm blushing like a lovesick fourteen-year-old but tell that to my face! I can't control it! His amber eyes stare into mine, just a bit darker than the colour of honey. He's really beautifu- no, you're mad at him remember. He gave you a lovely kiss in front of the whole school, then he appears to be making fun of you by smirking with the same mouth that you want to kiss and to top it all off, he's carrying you bridal style of all fucking things! Yeah right, like you want to kiss _him._ Fuck. I do. "You look so cute like that." He whispers. I don't think he has any idea I heard him. More blood rushes to my cheeks as I try stammer out a reply. It takes a while for me to notice we're mid-air and for some reason, I sink further into his arms, head against his chest.

"Oh, shit. You heard me, didn't you?" He questions me. In that moment I can't control my movements and move abruptly up, a hand against his cheek. And I kiss him. Our lips are interlocked and it's good. It is so good. He laces his arms around my body to keep me from falling. My hands are in his hair, he's pulling me closer and I let him. I don't know why it's been like this since the day I've met him. I didn't believe in love at first sight and I still don’t, but I do believe there was some instant attraction. At least, on my part. I'm holding on for dear life. I trust Leon, he would never let me fall. As stupid as he may be, I trust him. Neither of us are pulling away, the kiss is deepening, and it doesn't seem like it will end anytime soon. I wonder if kissing the guy you love, no, _hate_ feels this way. So, exhilarating. So... heavenly. It's like a giant chocolate bar. You just keep eating more and more even though you know that, in the end, you will be sick. That's what it's like kissing Leon. I know that the ending will not be good, but it keeps happening anyway. I guess that's what happens when you fall in love for the first time.

~  
There is an awkward silence from the point where we stopped kissing to when we landed. I mean, how are you supposed to pick up from a mid-air kiss and a whole bunch of sexual tension? You can't. Our bodies are moving in sync, even our feet are matching. This just makes it more awkward in my opinion. I didn't know what is should say after I kissed him: 'Oh yes. By the way, I like you.' Being the socially awkward person I am, I have no otherworldly idea on what to say. It's not fair to leave Leon in the dark. He's probably so confused and it's my stupid fault. How to start off?

"Hey..." Very good, start a conversation casually. You can do this. But what am I going to do? Ask him out? How the hell does one ask a person out?! "Hi. You ok?" He glances to the side where I am walking. "Um, I guess?" It comes out as a question rather than an answer. Stupid. "I'm sorry for making you fly. I know you're not used to it and that you're afraid of heights and I- I'm sorry." Christ, he's apologising. "It's fine. I was kind of distracted with... you know."   
"We tend to do that a lot, don't we? It's strange." Oh God. We're talking about the kiss. We're having The Talk. Oh God. "Why did you, like, kiss me?" Yep. The Talk. Help me. I want to die! "Um. I, uh." I can't find the words. Because you're annoying. Because you're also incredibly attractive and a great person underneath the annoyingness. Because I'm in love- no, not in love. Because I like you. "Because..." I move closer to him.

We've stopped and I face him, looking into his eyes. You can do this, Em. You can do this. However, instead of speaking I pull him into me, an arm snaked around his waist, our lips touching again. I can feel his heartbeat quickening, I can feel his cheeks becoming hot, I can feel him relaxing into me, enjoying it, letting me take control. Letting me take control. God, that is such a good feeling. I lick his lips, asking for entrance. He grants me it and everything feels so good. Leon Wang, you make me feel alive. You bring emotions into me that I didn't know I was even capable of feeling. The kiss ends and his face is so red. It's so adorable that I have to resist the urge to kiss him again. His mouth is hanging slightly agape and that does not help the longing within me. "Because you're absolutely fucking adorable and I'm in love with you." I whisper, loud enough for him to hear. Hold up, like not love! Oh my God, I did not mean to say that! Abort ship! He looks straight into my eyes. His are shining, bright, beautiful.

"You're in love with me?" His question is barely audible, that seems to be the main running theme today with us. "Well, you see, I meant to say I like you, but it came out as I love you and-" I pause, noticing him fiddling with his hair. He's nervous. So nervous. So am I. But he's so cute- "Yeah, Ég elska þig... I love you." I look away. And now, I will experience rejection for the first time. Our friendship will be ruined. God, it will be so awkward. "I'm in love with you as well. Ngóh oi néih. I, like, love you, Em." My eyes lift up to meet his. His hand grabs mine. "I've liked you for quite a while." He looks sheepish. God, he's so cute. How does one ask another out? "Will you go out with me?" My voice works on its own. I guess that's how. "Yes. I, like, will." Leon smiles at me, finally not displaying a smirk. "I'm glad we figured that out," he exclaims and then proceeds to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Am I interrupting anything?" A female voice perks up. Long blonde hair, dark blue eyes, a white bow on top of her head, a stern expression. Natalya Braginsky. A terrifying girl who is overly obsessed with her older brother, Ivan. The same Ivan that scares the absolute shit out of me. The same Ivan that could end up being Leon's brother in law. Holy shit. Help me. I practically jump away from Leon, "No, you weren't- Um, nothing happened!" My voice goes an octave higher. Shit. Her eyebrows rise, curious, "Sure I wasn't. You two ready to see him?" My heart needs to slow down. Her eyes stare into our souls, it's like she's judging my every move. God, why does she look like she wants to kill me? "Absolutely. How 'bout you, Em?" Leon glances at me. I open my mouth and quote Mikey Way, "Fuckin' ready." He smirks at me, understanding the reference. I guess this really is love-  
Not that I will ever admit it to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This I wrote back in November so not too long ago in my opinion. We're catching up to the more current chapters. 
> 
> As always, please let me know your thoughts on this chapter in the comments.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, self harm and a panic attack.

"How's your love life going, Lukas?" Arthur glances at me whilst pouring tea into his rainbow coloured mug. It's the weekend so I'm free from the hell hole known as school. "Don't get me started," I groan, "And what about yours, Mr I've-Only-Just-Realised-I-Like-Jones?" He stops to turn to me and gives me the dirtiest look he can, complete with one raised finger (You know which one). "Careful, Arthur, you're going to turn into Lovino, and no-one needs two of him, one is enough." Not that I don't like Lovi, he's one of my best friends including the fact that he really gets me. But he can be a bit extreme at times. Can't we all? The Brit face then softens, "What do you mean you don't want to talk about your love life? Something going on?"   
"Ja. You know the whole secret admirer thing. Well, uh... there's another person I think I have feelings for."   
"Stuck between a rock and a hard place, huh?" He raises an eyebrow.   
"Yeah." I sigh, "I hate it. Why do feelings exist? They're just here to be a bother."   
"Mm," he hums in agreement - at least I think he does, he has just picked up his tea and I don't mean the gossip. "Who's the other guy? Let me guess, first. Is it Mathias?" I slightly smile at the mention of the name. "Ah. So it is."   
"How'd you guess that from a smile? I could just think he's a friend." I glance straight at him, eyes narrowed. "Nah, you looked like Antonio when Lovino comes into his line of view. Your whole face lights up."   
"Does not!"   
"Does to!" He walks off with his mug and the conversation is finished.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided to go for a walk not long after that. Admire the overwhelming beauty of such a small town. Oslo is beautiful but it can get very crowded and cramped. It makes me feel like I'm suffocating. Like there's a noose around my neck. Here, there's less people to start with. Always a good thing. I've never been fond of people, especially not after all I've experienced. People suck. But not all of them I guess. I have friends now, they understand. And there's Emil, as well. To me, my lillebror is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, although there are few.

I turn down a road and notice a rundown shack at the end of it. It's so ugly and broken it stands out like a sore thumb. I'm instantly drawn to it. People say curiosity killed the cat but what they don't know is that sometimes I'd like nothing more than the sweet embrace of death. And besides, that's not the full saying. 'Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.' I break into a sprint. Something important is waiting for me there, I just know it. When I reach the shack, the door is slightly ajar, crumbling from decay. My hands, slightly trembling from either excitement or fear, push it open and then I step inside. There's nothing here. Absolutely nothing. It's empty and a waste of my time. So much for adventure.

Yet, I still walk forward. It appears to be just one room. What function did this place serve? Why is it still here? Are people that lazy to destroy it? I take a few more steps and, out of nowhere, my surroundings disappear.

Trees, grass, flowers-  
This isn't where I was. I look back but all I see is more trees. Trembling, I place my hand out. Part of it disappears. "What the fuck-" I withdraw said hand. Taking a look around my surroundings, I see them. Fairies. Trolls. Magical beings. My breath automatically seizes. No, no, no. I can't do this. They're everywhere. Out of all my problems that I'm working on, this is by far the worst. I haven't even started with it. Too afraid, I guess. Breathe, breathe. Let's go see if we can find any _humans_ here.

A few minutes pass until I catch sight of one. One human that looks painstakingly familiar. If it is him, then I'll give you a hint: he was mentioned in my conversation with Arthur earlier. Hair like a pineapple, a smile continuously on his face, Mathias Køhler. As I come closer, purposely avoiding the magical beings, his eyes widen and then he looks straight at me. "Lukas!" He runs up and hugs me, the smile on his face now a grin. "I can't fucking believe this! Who told you about magic? Was it Vladimir?" He's now making no sense. Magic? What about magic? And Vlad? He stops mid-rant and notes my confusion, "How _did_ you get here, Lukas?" Taking a deep breath, I recount the shack and the weird transportation thingy.

"Ah. So, you didn't understand a word I just said, huh?" I shake my head. "Oh man, I have to explain this place to you. Um, well ya see, there's nothing wrong with people like us. We can see magical creatures and they actually exist. There is no mental illness because we aren't making it up."   
"You're kidding." No way can I believe that. I know Mathias. This is probably a prank. "No, Lukas. I'm not." The smile drops and he looks scarily serious. Mathias rarely ever stops smiling. "It's true, huh." I peer into his eyes.   
"Ja." His smile slowly regains itself. Guess I have to start working on my issue then. "You're- you're scared of them, aren't you?" He motions to the creatures. I nod. His hand slides down and takes mine. My heart practically stops. He's holding my hand. He's holding my hand. "Then ignore them. They don't bother us if we don't want them to."

"Is this place like a separate world or something? And don't tell me that we all have magical powers or some shit like in an anime." I tighten my grip on his hand, not knowing what else to do. "Yes, this is a separate world to the one you live in. And two, hate to break it to you but yes, everyone that can see magical creatures has an ability." I groan. Of fucking course.  
"What's yours then?" Our eyes catch again, his are so fucking blue. It’s so beautiful and calming. I just want to buy a blanket of that exact shade and spend eternity under it. "Oh, it's nothing special. I just can see people's souls, or their lack of in some cases."   
"And you call that nothing special." I snort.   
"It's nothing compared to others, look over there." He points into the sky. In the far distance I can see two people flying, both with large wings protruding from their backs. "See, some can fly. What can I do? Sense people who are in a 100-metre radius to myself and see whether they are good or evil."   
"I think that pretty awesome, Mathias. That's how you suddenly became aware that I was here." We face each other. "Your ability is amazing. I love it." Our bodies are almost touching. I'm still clutching his hand. "Thanks, Lukas." Gently, he brushes some hair out from my face and tucks it behind my ear. My breath catches again but I don't feel afraid.

Yes, people suck. And some always will. But there are good people too. Pure, innocent, happy, _good._ Like Mathias. My eyes try to meet his, but his eyes are looking elsewhere. His lips are slightly parted, looking soft and warm. I continue to stare at them, at the mouth I long to kiss. I realise then that he had a longing look in his eyes, staring at something below my eyes. I glance up slightly, trying to work out where his focus is, what's making him strangely quiet. 

He's staring at my lips, the same way I was staring at his. Mathias' cerulean eyes then meet mine, realising he was caught staring. Our hands are still intertwined, and my other one lands just below his shoulder. I move the tiniest bit forwards and that's when he finally leans in. My lips meet his, the sweet sensation of this finally happening overpowering me. The kiss isn't perfect, we're inexperienced, and don't know whether there should be tongue, and our hands lie where they were before we started. It's clunky and awkward but it doesn't matter. The very fact that I'm kissing him is enough to make it perfect. Perhaps, one day, it will feel like fireworks. But, for now, it’s a pretty perfect kiss in my opinion. Because it’s with him.

We draw apart, overestimating how long we could go without needing to breathe. We're breathless but smiles dance on our faces as we gasp for air. It’s over, in my opinion, just as quickly as it started. My thoughts are filled with just the fact that Mathias has some goddamn soft lips. My brain is occupied with nothing more – just those lips. It seems I’m spacing out because when he starts talking again, I miss the first part. “-I, um, sorry. We should probably pretend this never happened. I mean, I don’t think we need to have drama over this right?” He’s trying to get his sentences in order but it’s a train wreck. I get the gist of what he’s saying though, “We should just be friends for now and get to know each other more?” I suggest. “Ja! Like that, yes.” This conversation is such a nightmare due to our flusteredness that it’s actually quite funny to me that we’ve lost all ability to socialise. Not that I’ve ever been good at socialising (I’m a nightmare, to be honest).

“Ok. So… your ability. Is that all it does?” I steer the conversation well away from what just happened. Besides Mathias’ ability is a pretty good conversation topic, it’s so fucking interesting. “Uh, no. Information about the person appears as well, about two to three pieces. Sometimes it’s really personal, other times it’s just the little things.” Wait- what shit does he know about me? He said it can be personal, oh God- “Mathias?” He glances at me as we continue to walk in this strange place, “What do you know about me?” He instantly looks at his feet, clearly not wanting to answer the question. Oh God. “Two pieces of information appeared for you,” he mumbles slowly, “one was that you had a brother whom you love more than anything in the world. The second… well, that’s the personal one. Do you know what I’m talking about?” He doesn’t want to say it himself. “I think I do. But just in case, can you say it anyway.” Besides, if it’s not the thing that happened two months ago, it could be about her. Neither of them are preferable. “It said…” he starts, wavering, eyes still firmly on the ground and just now I realise that there are small tears in them. He’s crying. Mathias Køhler, the happiest person on the planet, is crying. “It said you are suicidal.” Ah, so it is my original guess. “You’ve known this whole time, huh? I speak calmly.

This is fine. Mathias, he’s not going to judge me, right? He wouldn’t. ‘Are you sure?’ my thoughts say, ‘what if this whole time he’s thought you were a freak or that he’s doing this out of sympathy?’. He wouldn’t. Mathias isn’t like that. ‘How are you sure about that? You’ve only known him for two months. You have no idea. People are all the same’. No. No. No. No. Mathias is a good person. He wouldn’t do that to me. But they keep echoing round my heads, things like ‘if he’s such a good person then why does he want to be friends with you of all people?’. They keep swirling around, multiplying, consuming me into a cage of torment. The surroundings around me disappear and are replaced with the faces of all those who made fun of me back in Oslo. I can’t breathe, or at least the air doesn’t seem to be getting to me quick enough. Why can’t I breathe? Memories surface, mum, those days where I just kept cutting and cutting, hoping for some escape, Emil’s horrified face when he discovered me laying on the floor, covered in my own blood, a smile on my face, a knife in my hand, the thought that finally I would be free. I’m not. I’m still here. The images start getting too much, and I finally fall.

When I surfaced, I notice I’m being held by some strong arms. Whoever it is, we’re sitting down, and I’m laid against their chest. I glance up. Mathias, a look of concern spread all over his beautiful face. “Oh my God, you’re awake!” He exclaims, ecstatic but quietly, possibly trying not to overwhelm me. “You suddenly went really quiet and didn’t continue the conversation after I answered your question. I kept talking but you didn’t respond or move. You suddenly look really freaked out and you start breathing really quickly and after a while, and a lot more attempts at talking to you, you finally collapsed. I caught you before you hit the ground and it was about half an hour before you surfaced.” He seems really worried (plus he's rambling). “I guess this makes us even, huh? We’ve both fainted and the other one freaked out.” I think back to woodwork where he fainted and, when he awoke, starting crying and sobbing into me. “Yikes. We have a weird habit, don’t we? But still, what happened? You didn’t feel hot, so it wasn’t a fever or anything.” I sit up straighter, but that makes my head spin, so I relax back into his chest, feeling slightly awkward that we’re in this position. “Since you know about… you know, I’ll tell you. I had a major mental breakdown accompanied with a panic attack. None of it was fun in the slightest.”

His arms stretch out, perhaps about to give me a hug when he stops and asks, “Is it ok if I touch you? I don’t want you to get panicky or feel as if you can’t breathe.” This is so considerate that my brain doesn’t quite know how to comprehend it. Most people would just hug without a second thought, but Mathias is respecting my personal space and considering that I just felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Yes, you can touch me. Thanks for asking though, I appreciate it.” With that, he hugs me. It’s very gentle and I wonder why I ever thought that Mathias was only being nice out of sympathy. He is just a nice guy. Depression can really make you trust no one at times. “Me knowing really freaked you out. I’m guessing barely anyone knows about it.” His hands are stroking my back, gentle and delicately. “Yeah. Only you, Emil, Arthur, and people at the hospital and the therapist I had back in Oslo.” Our eyes meet and he’s still not his cheery self, I wouldn’t expect him to be, this is a serious topic. “By hospital I assume that means that you’ve tried to… you know…” He trails off. “Yeah. Back in December. No other times though. I don’t really want to go into it.” 

“Understandable. Just so you’re aware, I tell no one about what my ability tells me about other people. I only let people know the information I know about them if they ask about it.” I wonder how many other people’s personal secrets he knows and keeps to himself. That sort of thing could be dangerous in the wrong hands (for example, someone who loves to gossip). “I just want you to know I’m here for you. Not that crappy half-assed thing people say to seem supportive and then never do anything to help. Whenever you feel down, or a wave of depression hits, please text me. Even if it’s in the middle of the night, sleep will no longer matter to me. Your mental health is more important to me.” Wow, this man is a godsend. If only everyone was Mathias then life would be amazing. Oh my God, he is so caring and thoughtful. “Thanks, I cannot put into words how nice that was. Shall I text you a specific word and then you know if something’s wrong?” He gives me a small smile, a ghost of the regular grin that spreads across his face, needless, it tells me that he likes that addition to the idea.

“How about something nonsensical but easy to remember? A food item perhaps?” Good point, I’ve got to be able to remember the word. “It needs to not appear to be really weird though but something that’s not too common that if I actually was talking about it that you wouldn’t jump to the wrong conclusions.” He nods, “Ok… maybe something you refer to a person by that’s not something like mate, buddy or dude.” His suggestion is good and then I come up with an idea that will also slightly cheer me up when I send it, “How about something you would refer to a boyfriend/girlfriend? Then it would be funny and cheer me up slightly when I text it.” As soon as the words come out though I realise I’m still thinking about the kiss. Did I really just say that?! Oh, fuck me. He giggles slightly, “Yeah. What stupid nicknames do people give their partners? All I can think of is babe/baby.” “I’ve always found that weird. It’s like ‘am I your kid or not’? Hmm… sweetie?” He wheezes, “Oh man. Um… honey?” I’m starting to crack up as well. I mean, why would you call someone these? It’s so stupid. “Love? Wait, no, that just sounds really British.” At this point he really looses it. This is making me feel so much better already and I’m glad he didn’t think I was weird about suggesting this.

“Would you like a crumpet and some tea, love?” He tries a British accent and fails miserably. “That is the worst British accent I have ever heard. God you were bad at that.” He meets my eyes and looks really serious for a bit. Did I hurt his feelings? Then, he bursts out laughing, “I know! I can’t do accents ok! I feel slightly disrespectful to Arthur though. Back to pet names then that aren’t British.” The two suggestion topics are swirling in my brain. Pet names and food. Pet names and food. Pet names and- “I know! What about pumpkin?” His arms untangle themselves from around me and he uses his hands to pull a quizzical expression. “Not too weird… fits into food and pet names categories… won’t come up in conversation… I think pumpkin is the one!” He pulls out his phone and brings up his contact for me. It’s titled ‘Lukas!’ with loads of emojis that I don’t quite understand. He then sets his ringtone up to the highest it can possibly go for me. I must look puzzled because he explains his actions to me, “So it wakes me up in the middle of the night.” I smile and he returns the expression.

We spend the rest of the day discussing other aspects of the magical world. By the end, I’m grinning constantly and falling even harder for the most amazing man in this universe. I’m so lucky to have met him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter where I feel I handled Norway's situation and trauma better, along with Denmark being respectful of Norway's boundaries and feelings. Of course I would like to here your thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

Emil

We continue for a bit until we arrive at a grove. It’s small, the trees form a circle and a semi-large rock is perched in the exact centre – it’s quite satisfying to see how spot on the rock’s placement is. Natalya strides up to the perfectly placed stone and removes a plastic bag from her backpack. This whole thing is strange to me. I have no idea what this séance entails and Natalya’s not much of a talker (that last part is a fucking understatement)(not that I talk much myself but when she doesn’t it just gives off a wave of terror and intimidation)(if I attempted that I think I’d come across as a small kitten or something like that). She roots around and produces a happy meal. Seriously? Why the fuck- “Ah, are we copying Percy Jackson in this sense?” Leon chimes in and we both look at him weirdly. “I don’t know what that is,” she says, matter-of-factly, “But the dead aren’t picky with what food you summon them with. Besides, these are cheap, and as someone who summons the dead often and has a low-paying job, it helps.” She glares at my now-boyfriend, eyes narrowed in annoyance (probably because he broke the silence), voice flat and monotonous. She rolls her eyes and continues removing items from her backpack: chalk, a box of matches and a small white candle. Natalya then starts drawing on the rock with the chalk, Leon and I edging closer to see what exactly she’s doing. It’s a pentagram, a typical séance symbol. It does make me nervous though, will one of us have to use out blood to summon this ghost?

She lights the candle and whilst she’s doing that I make eye contact with my boyfriend. He smiles slightly, the kind that’s just a slight lip twitch. It’s easily missable, but I managed to catch it. I wonder how he’s feeling, I mean, so far Natalya has proved she can be just as weird and terrifying as her older brother (whom I live in fear of) and, not only that, Leon will be her brother-in-law eventually (according to Kiku who tells me that Yao and Ivan are soulmates)(I desperately wanted to pray for Leon after hearing that). By this point, (and now I can save you all from my rambling, sorry about that) Natalya seems to have finished setting things up and is placing her hands on the rock, a quiet mummer escaping her lips that I can’t quite catch. And like a stereotypical summoning, a bright light fills the grove. Once it’s died down, I blink a lot, black spots still swimming around my vision. Glancing at Natalya, I notice she still appears impassive, the blinding light clearly not bothering her. My idiot boyfriend, however, has his hands placed over his eyes, wincing. Over dramatic bitch.

Remembering why we are here, I look back at the rock. The candle has blown out and is lying idlily on the ground. Sitting cross-legged on the stone, however, is a man who’s roughly in his mid-thirties. Despite being a ghost, you can clearly see the colour of his features, though they are more subdued. Now, I’m not good with descriptions so bear with me. His blond hair catches in the wind and, unlike a _certain_ someone, it is about the same length as mine. Black rimmed rectangular glasses sit firmly on his face, assisting his indigo eyes (as glasses do). He reminds me of someone, but I can’t think who. Also on his face, are scales around the edges, mostly on his forehead but some do line the sides of his head. Horn-like structures also add to the abnormity, sprouting out of his hair like plants. And, joining Leon in the wings department are, you guessed it, wings (with an added tail). Though these are more what I assume dragon wings would look like. And, like the idiot I am, I realise Leon told me that this guy was part dragon. Well, guess I’m fucking stupid.

“So…” the guy starts, “The newbie’s clearly not you Natalya,” he glances over Leon, “And you’re clearly one of the Wang children so it definitely isn’t you, that leaves…” We make eye contact and I’ve never felt more awkward. Leon, obviously desperate to ram the fact that I’m the person home, says, “Yep, this is Emil Steilsson, sir.” Well, what do you know, the kid does have manners after all! The man raises his eyebrows, “Steilsson?” Ah, we’re discussing my surname now, huh? Yes, I know it differs from my brother, despite us being completely related. According to my relatives, my parents were in Iceland when I was born and there was a mess up in the hospital over my surname. So, I ended up with Steilsson instead of Bondevik. However, since I never knew my father (he’s either dead or somewhere else, I don’t know exactly why he disappeared)(no one tells me anything), and given that Iceland runs on patronymic surnames, we can assume that my father’s name is Steil Bondevik. Yippee. “Ja. That’s me.”

“Are you Lucy’s son?” Lucy Bondevik was my mother, so I guess that’s a firm yes. I answer so. “What a coincidence!” He smiles, “I used to know your mother before, well, I died. How is she?” Also dead. Has been for the past twelve years now. “I wouldn’t know. She died when I was four.” His eyes widen again, and sadness seems to flash across his face. “How did she die?” Oh, you know, the regular pattern as it appears in my family. “She killed herself.” Leon’s head whips around and he looks at me like ‘how has this never come up and how am I finding out about this just now?’. Perhaps I don’t like to mention it. “Seriously? Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he appears to be even sadder. Why can’t I place who he reminds me of? “No wonder she stopped calling on this,” he digs out a necklace, a simple chain with a plain white cross attached. Plain white cross… the Nordic cross… Lukas’ clip! It’s the exact same! And holy shit, that’s who he reminds me of! He looks like my fucking brother! Oh God. What fresh hell is this?

“Those crosses are phones?” Leon asks, clearly having noticed my brother’s it seems. “Ja. I programmed them myself. It’s a good device to have on you if you were to be captured or something like that,” his voice is hollow, the news about mum has destroyed his happiness. “Oh, right. You’re really good with technology, just like you created Antonio,” and now I’m really confused. Thanks Leon. “What do you mean?” I question, confused as heck. “You know how Antonio’s a robot? Steil here is the one who programmed and created him.” The answer helps clear some of my confusion. The rest is just about everything else going on. That’s when it sinks in. The man’s name is Steil. Oh my God, is this guy my father? “How did you know my mother?” Time to get some answers. “By the look on your face, it seems you already know the answer to that, Emil.” So the answer is yes then. “Could you two go for a small walk? I need to discuss some things with Emil in private,” he further responds, aiming this to Natalya and Leon. They nod and leave.

“You’re my father, aren’t you?” I say immediately. Finally, I’m getting somewhere in the quest to find out who my father is. “I am. You’ve gotten so much taller than when I last saw you. Granted you were two but still.” A smile slowly works to regain itself on his face. Is this what Lukas could look like if he makes it to his thirties and suddenly needs glasses? The thought unnerves me. “What happened? Why did you disappear?” I need answers. This man has been absent my whole life. Sure, he’s been dead, but Leon just said he created Antonio which happened when Yao was ten which means I was nine at that point. What happened in between? “I had to look after things over in this world. Your mother and I agreed that they needed more people fighting against the government and that I should go help, given my powerful ability/species. We lost the areas we were fighting in to them. However, the wars were long and draining. We weren’t allowed to see our families and that’s why I was never there. I’m sorry, Emil. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when your mother died. I’m sorry.” So he was a soldier and was never given leave? “I forgive you. I mean, you were fighting for the rest of us and our freedom, I can’t be angry at you for that.”

“I’m guessing your aunt raised you and Lukas then? We put her on our will as your godmother, but I never really liked your mum’s sister. I felt she didn’t care about your mother or you and Lukas for that sense. I was sceptical.” Ah, yes. That bitch. Lukas and I’s legal guardian. He’s right though. She doesn’t care. She didn’t care when mum died, I mean, she sent me to stay with some random family in Copenhagen (sure that was Mathias’ family and they’re great but still), insisting that it would be a ‘good learning experience’ for me. My mother had just died, and I was with strangers. Not only that, but I was there until I was ten. I’ve always wondered how much she fucked up Lukas while I was gone. She didn’t care when Lukas started spiralling and did nothing when he was clearly getting bullied and started to self-harm because of it. She didn’t care in December when he tried to off himself. Where was she when I was trying to save his life? Watching TV downstairs (I shouted for her and in those shouts I told her what was going on)(nothing)(the TV wasn’t even turned up that much). Did she help console me when I genuinely thought he was going to die, and I would have no one. No. She didn’t. I hope that woman rots in hell. “What a face!” My father laughs slightly, “I’m guessing she was a right bitch!” I nod. His eyebrows twitch in concern but I really don’t want to discuss Lukas’ mental health right now. But to be fair, I never do.

“So, you ready to see what ability you have? This is interesting for me since your mum was human and an elementalist, whereas I am part dragon. I’m fascinated to see who you take after or if you take after neither of us.” Huh, so it appears I’ve got a few options. “What do I do then?” I ask, wondering what this entails. My mind then flashes to other people, I wonder what they had to do to realise their ability? Mathias probably didn’t need to discover his, it was possibly always there. What about Leon? Was he born with wings or what? “Concentrate. Just focus all your energy into urging it to show itself. If it’s physical, it will naturally show. If not, you should then focus your energy into aiming at one of these trees. It can take a while to figure things out but hopefully yours will be quick.” Great. I could be at this for months, no years. Decades even. Super. However, I start acting on what he said. Clear your mind, Emil. You can do this. Closing my eyes, I start focusing everything I have in me into this. My brows are furrowed, my fists clenched, everything focused. Come on. You can do this.

A heavy weight sprouts from my back and I fall on my ass from the heaviness. Something also feels weird, appearing from my lower back. Oh my God, what is going on? Opening my eyes, I notice Leon and Natalya have appeared. My father is grinning and Leon mutters something along the lines of “noice”. I will never understand his way of thinking. Now’s the time to check what they’re geeking out about. My head swivels slightly and I spot the same sort of dragon like wings my father has. The colour scheme appears to be white and purple, mimicking my hair and eyes. There’s sort of a frame and an inside part, the frame being white with a touch of purple on top and the insides are purple, with a slight gradient. That’s why I fell, my body is clearly not used to the wings it is now supporting. If I look anything like my father right now, I imagine there’s scales on my face, horn like structures coming out of my hair and a tail sort of shaped like a cartoon devil’s tail. “Yes! You’re like me! I mean, you could still have your mother’s ability, but this is good because it means I know a lot about this.” My father’s grins widens. Why is he reminding me a lot of Mathias right now? Probably because they’re both happy smiley people. It’s like if Lukas and Mathias had a kid together. Weird as fuck.

“Ok, so, you’re part dragon, part human. This comes with wings, scales, a tail, and those sort of horns in a way. You can transform into a full dragon, but I must warn you that you start off as a baby dragon. To grow, you must train. The more you train the more you grow. You following me so far?” I nod. “You obviously will need to learn how to fly both like this and in dragon form. Leon can teach you that as he’s well used to dealing with wings.” My boyfriend grins, obviously glad about the task assigned. “Unfortunately, dragon form comes at a price, if you really want to fight in that form then you must keep building up your stamina to fight for long lengths of time. If you are using it for anything other than fighting, you can last a lot longer in the form. That’s all I think I need to tell you.” Although this is certainly strange (and I’m going to have to get used to the wings and other things) I think this is really cool. I mean, holy shit I’m a dragon. How awesome is that? “I must say though,” Leon adds, “Species does differentiate from ability. This is only Emil’s species. What do you think his ability will be like, sir?” Natalya is quiet, though when is she never. “Probably like his mother, she was an elementalist so the type of beams you can shoot are likely based off of that.” Beams? What does he mean by that? Leon catches my confused expression and fills in the blanks, “You know how legend has it that dragons breathe fire? Well, different dragons can shoot different beams for example, some can shoot ice beams, some can shoot beams of water. It depends really.” Ah, I see now.

“Now, I want to work on your transformation. We’re going to do what you did before with the concentrating but now I want you to also imagine yourself becoming a dragon. It’s going to feel weird the first couple of times you transform (and don’t worry if you don’t do it first try) and it may hurt slightly. The pain shouldn’t be too bad though.” Ok. I stand up and focus once more. Come on. Become a dragon. Sure, you’ll be a tiny baby dragon but still. Focus. Nothing happens and I open my eyes. “Like I said, it could take a few tries. Try again, Emil. You’re doing great.” And again.

This goes on about four more times until I finally feel myself shrinking, my clothes appearing massive and covering me. Well, dragons clearly don’t need clothes, but I still feel embarrassed that I’m naked right now. I look down and notices my small clawed hands (do dragons have hands?) (I mean you wouldn’t call them paws)(I don’t know). Transformation attempt was successful it seems. “Emil?” I hear Leon say, “You alright?” Hands start rooting around in the clothes heap and I’m startled when I am picked up. Oh my God, everything is huge! Am I really that fucking tiny? My boyfriend’s holding me, a smile stretching to his cheeks. He finds this hilarious doesn’t he? Ugh. “You did it! Oh my God, you are, like, so cute right now! So adorable and tiny!” He coos. “I’m not adorable! You should fear me you know. I could burn your face off!” I start shouting (I’ve always had quite a short fuse) but it comes out as small growls. My father chuckles in the distance. Oh good, no one can understand me now. Fantastic. However, Leon’s eyes do widen (probably at the growls he’s now going to call cute) at this. “Come on now, you are cute, and I doubt you could burn my face off right now. You have no practice, Em.”

Hold up, how did he understand that? I thought the growls were incomprehensible. I know my father could understand because he’s part dragon too but Leon? No fucking way. “How on earth did you understand that? Those growls meant nothing to me,” Natalya states, her tone still monotonous. Then what the fuck. “I don’t know. My mind just told me that’s what he was saying or shouting rather.” Leon replies. Why is life so confusing?! We all turn to my father, (well Leon turns, I don’t) expecting an answer to this madness. “I do know what’s going on, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to say anything about it. It will make things very awkward. Emil, you should try turning back now, we’ll all turn around so you can put your clothes back on.” The heck was that- Why can’t we know? What’s so bad that it will make things awkward? Unfortunately, we comply, Leon puts me down so I can transform, I transform while they’re not looking and put on my clothes. “I’m done.” I announce and they face me again. “You should keep practicing a couple of times a day with your transformation until you get the hang of it. It’s always easier to become a human again than it is to become a dragon so turning back will rarely be an issue. And remember Leon, you need to teach Emil how to fly.” My boyfriend nods and then frowns, “But sir, I don’t understand why you can’t tell us why I can understand Emil, what’s the worst that could happen?” I have to say, I do agree with Leon. What would be so awkward? “It will be weird for you two if I tell you. I think it’s best if I leave it for now.” This doesn’t satisfy us though and we keep hounding him. We would regret it but in the moment we were two idiots, not paying attention to what he was saying.

“Fine. I’ll tell you but this is on you if it is awkward like I warned you it would be. Leon, you can understand Emil because the two of you are soulmates. Dragons can understand each other but other species don’t understand dragons unless the two people are soulmates. Your souls are so connected that they automatically know what the other is saying. Sorry if this is weird but I warned you countless times.” Oh shit. Oh no, this was a bad idea. Oh God. As the blood rushes to my cheeks, I glance at Leon. His mouth is open, his eyes are really wide, and he’s blushing, his cheeks have turned really pink. We are now both flustered thanks to our persistence despite the warnings. Oh shit. Holy shit. We are idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next chapter in the works but this is all of them for now. I hope you've enjoyed this story so far! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of self harm and slight mention of suicide.

** Lukas **

Head hurting, I throw myself to the other side of my bed. Again. It’s approximately 1 am and guess who can’t sleep. Me. Of course. Why is it that your brain always dredges up terrible thoughts when you just want rest? It’s stupid. Yet, here I am regretting every choice I’ve made, flashing back to all the insults and jabs people have said right to my face, all the insults I’ve told myself staring into a mirror, all the wasted time I’ve spent trying to figure out why I should stay on this earth and what my purpose is (as far as I’m concerned, I shouldn’t exist – I have no purpose). Can you see why I can’t sleep? It’s starting to get very unbearable and I feel like absolute shit. Usually, this goes in a very clear pattern. The thoughts happen, they get to me (as always), and I take it out on myself (if you know what I mean). I start to surrender to the thoughts (like the pathetic person I am) and get up. As soon as I do, I notice my phone. My phone. Mathias. This is the situation he was talking about, right? I don’t want to bother him though. Should I message him? It’s 1 am! I can’t wake him! Not to burden him with my pathetic problems. 

As if he could sense my dilemma, a call appeared on the screen. Mathias is calling me in the middle of the night. What the fuck. I accept and put it to my ear. “Ah, you are up! Oh, wait – I could have just woken you! Shit. I’m so sorry if I woke you!” He starts rambling apologies. “Nah, I never even went to sleep. What’s up? I hardly expected you to call me in the middle of the night.” Well, he called me, helping solve one of my problems so thanks Mathias. Now I don’t have to. “Woah, woah, hold up! You haven’t slept yet?! I knew something was up! That’s why I called you, my gut told me something was wrong. Sorry if that sounds weird.” He’s whispering, I never realised Mathias was capable of being quiet. That sounds harsh but I don’t think he’s aware at the volume he talks at sometimes. “Not weird. Yeah, um, pumpkin.” Feeling strange, the word that we picked out rolls off my tongue. I quickly add, “But it’s nothing! Seriously, Mathias, I’m fine.” 

I hear a sharp exhale on the other side of the line, “Lukas. You have not slept at all and you just used the word we picked out to tell me something’s up. Please don’t downplay your emotions just because you’re worried about bothering me. I know you; you’re worried about being a burden. You aren’t. Please let me help.” His voice is grave, without it’s usual bounciness to it. He saw right under my mask and called me out on my bullshit. Damn, he’s good at reading people even when he can’t see them. “Ok…” I sigh, “You’re right. I’m not good. I feel like complete and utter shit, ok?” Rustles come up to my ear from the other side and then footsteps. Mathias is silent for a minute and then I hear, “I’m making my way over there. I’m going to stay on the line the entire time, ok?” 

“Why are you coming here? I don’t quite understand, Mathias.” I whisper, trying to remind myself that I don’t want to wake Arthur who’s sleeping in his room right now. “I want to be with you in person. It’s easier for me to give support that way. Is that alright?” I smile slightly. Happiness bubbles up in me like it always does when Mathias asks if an action he’s about to do is alright with me. Like when he asked if I was ok with him hugging me after my panic attack a month ago. It’s a small act but I notice it. Most people wouldn’t ask, they would just hug you. That’s all well and fine but if you’re like me and hate people suddenly invading your personal space to touch you then it’s horrible. “That’s perfectly fine. Come right over.” 

Roughly twenty minutes later, he’s outside Arthur’s house in a crimson car. Rushing downstairs quietly, I pull on a coat and shoes, then I head outside. A sight lays in front of me that I wasn’t expecting. Mathias’ hair is not defying the laws of gravity, and is more dropped down over his face, coming to an end just above his eyes. He’s huddled in a black winter coat (April in Norway can still be freezing) with this floppy hairstyle and he’s cute. He’s so cute. His eyebrows are furrowed slightly and his mouth twitches into a tiny grin. “Your hair- it’s down,” is all I manage. I don’t know how he plans to help me but this whole hair thing is quite distracting. “Oh… yeah…” he seems sheepish and adverts his gaze, “I gel it every morning. This is how I really look.” I walk closer so I can take a better look. And then I see them. Tiny freckles scattered all over his cheeks. He has freckles. It just makes him look even cuter. “And you have freckles. They’re really adorable,” I exhale, my breath making tiny steam clouds. “You think so? I, um, get really self-conscious about my appearance so I gel my hair and use concealer to hide the freckles.” So even Mathias, a god of confidence in my opinion, is hiding under a mask. 

“Shall we get in my car?” He promptly changes the subject. I guess everyone has that topic they would rather prefer not to discuss. “Sure. Let’s not get a chill. It’ll be much warmer in there.” If he doesn’t want to talk about it then I won’t force him. So, we stroll over to the car and like a ‘perfect gentleman’ he opens the passenger seat door for me. I roll my eyes slightly at the gesture but don’t complain. 30 seconds later, we are seated in the vehicle, heat blasting in our faces. “How about we go somewhere? I know the perfect place,” he glances at me. “I’d love to. It would be distracting for the both of us.” A ghost of a smile appears on his face, slowly flickering upwards onto his cheeks. He turns the key in the ignition and starts the vehicle. Hoping we don’t wake anyone; I stare out of the window at the houses on the street. No one seems to stir in the deadless night. Thank God. “Where are we going exactly?” I ask whilst the car picks up pace and continues rolling forwards. “My favourite place in the world. You’ll be the first person I’ve taken there.” Is all he replies. Damn. Ok. 

40 something minutes later, the car comes to a stop. All the way here we discussed random topics, anything to prolong the time when we’d have to bring up our deepest feelings and the things that bother us. But we’re here now, and the topics are going to force themselves to crawl out of the woodwork. The dreaded time. Mathias take my hand in his, leading me through a bouquet of bushes and trees, woven together to hide whatever he wants to show me. After becoming accustomed to the car’s heat, goosebumps make their way back onto my arms, reminding me that I’m only in a coat over my pyjamas. God, it’s freezing. “We’re almost there- prepare to be amazed,” Mathias looks back at me, his freckles twitch whenever he smiles. My cheeks twitch in response, a small smile in return. Then we break through into a glade.

To put it simply, steam rises up from what appears to be a hot spring (a blessed find in this temperature), rocks and flowers in the midst of blooming surround its edges. It’s overwhelmingly beautiful. I really hope this is the place he’s talking about because I would love a dip in that hot spring. When I hear, “This is it. Welcome to my favourite place, Lukas,” I breathe a sigh of relief. He laughs at my reaction. It’s good to hear him laugh again, so good. “Please say we can get in the hot spring. I’m begging you, Mathias.” He keeps laughing at this and nods. And I know what you’re going to say at this part, ‘Lukas, you just said that both of you were going to be getting in the hot spring. You should have realised what was about to happen.’ Look, it didn’t occur to me. So, when Mathias removed his pyjama top, yes, I was very surprised. My attention was again drawn to all of his adorable freckles, splattered all over his shoulders and parts of his chest. He begins to remove his trousers and that’s when I glance away. When I hear a splash in the water, I glance back. He grins at me as if to say, ‘join me!’. This is all making my brain explode. Thank you Mathias, for causing me to have a gay crisis.

However, I know he wouldn’t judge me and that thought comforts me, so I do the same, slowly removing my coat, top and trousers. What’s the point of having a hot spring if you can’t dip your entire body in there? As soon as I get in, I hear a small “yesss” of victory. And what can I say about the hot spring? It’s so warm and relaxing. I can see why he loves it here. Unfortunately, I can feel the dreaded talk approaching which is affirmed when Mathias sighs and says, “So… why couldn’t you sleep?”

“The usual. You know, bad thoughts and all. They were starting to win when you called so you stopped me doing something I’d regret. Um, I guess I should say thanks for that?” I can feel him looking at the scars on my arms and the large one on my chest, his lips pursed but saying nothing about them at the same time. “Something you’d regret… how extreme would that something be on a scale of one to ten?” Oh, crap. He’s wondering if I meant suicide. Oh God not that extreme. “About a solid look at what’s on my arms. Not as bad as my chest.” I reply in a way that hints at what was going to happen, but I don’t outright say it. “Oh, you had me seriously worried there. Not that I’m not concerned anymore but yeah…” He’s chewing on his lip, a nervous tic I’ve noticed before. “No. Not that bad.” I reassure, “Just some extra scars for my arms.” He’s making his way towards me, wading through the toasty water. Mathias appears right next to me, his arms stretching out. It seems he wants to give me a hug. I accept and lean into his arms. He always has given the best hugs. “If you’re wondering how to help me in this situation, just distract me. Being with you is helping to stop thinking about it.” Yeah, my thoughts seem to be all aimed towards how cute you actually look. My queerness seems to be overtaking my views on how pathetic I am, the views that constantly occupy my brain. 

“So… you’re insecure about your appearance?” I guess everyone hides aspects of themselves. I hide how much comments hurt me, Arthur hides how much he cares for Alfred, and Mathias hides how he really looks. Everyone hides underneath a mask of some sort. “Yeah. The only people who have seen me like this after I started hiding my freckles and gelling my hair are Tino, Berwald and now you.” His expression has twisted into a grimace. “Why do you hide it? Sorry if that’s put too bluntly,” I question, my hand placed on the top of his arm, tracing the tiny ginger dots. “Why does anyone hide any part of their appearance? Bullying.” Oh crap. I guess Mathias and I aren’t so different in some sense. At least I can empathise with him. I completely understand. It makes anger boil up in my stomach though, like hot lava. People think they can fuck up anyone, even a perfectly nice guy like Mathias. It disgusts me. “I hate people. They did this to both of us. They made you hate how you look, and they made me hate myself. I understand everything you’ve been through.” His eyes meet mine. I hadn’t elaborated what had caused me to be the way I am but now he knows. “I think you look really nice with your hair down and freckles. You look cute.” His eyes widen in surprise and the corners of his mouth twitch. 

“Of course, I can’t dictate how you perceive yourself. Many people believe they can and that’s the problem. Then, when the nice comments actually come, they can’t undo the damage the dictators have already caused. A chasm has already been constructed from unkind words. It’s a shame in this world the mean comments always outweigh the good.” I can’t change the way Mathias sees himself, just like he can’t change the way that I see myself. But we can help each other through this. We can try make the smallest changes. “Thanks, Lukas. In a weird way, that comforted me. We can hate society together.” I turn to look at him, “That we can.” It’s only us right now, separate from the rest of the world. That’s why he loves this place. And that’s why I now love it too. 

“You don’t have to stay awake all night just for me you know. Sleep is important, Mathias.” He breathes a short burst of air out of his nose, “Hypocrite. If you can’t sleep then I don’t sleep. It’s sleepless solidarity, Lukas. Besides, any good friend would go to arm’s length for you.” His arms tighten slightly around me, and I sink even more into the embrace. We stay in the hot spring for a couple more hours until we both have to go back to our respective homes. He tells me that the lack of sleep was totally worth it. And this is coming from the guy who falls asleep in multiple lessons the next day and gets told off from all his teachers. When he makes it to the end of the day, all he does is give me a glance and says, “Worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We stan floppy haired freckled Denmark! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, I wanted to establish their friendship before they start dating. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this update!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long ass (hopefully exciting) chapter!

Lukas

What I did not expect this morning when I came back to the house was a fuck ton of people. Yet, here they all are. I thought I had the perfect plan: don’t tell anyone when my birthday is and spend an entire day without the presence of others while I turn 18. You might be wondering why I wouldn’t want to spend my coming of age with people I care about. It’s simple really, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anyone (I mean, they’ll find it obligatory to get me a thoughtful present that I don’t deserve) and most of the birthdays in my life have sucked. It’s simply a matter of learning from the past. Plus, since my birthday has fallen on a Saturday, there’s no school! My plan would have been fine. That is, if my brother hadn’t of mentioned it to Arthur. Dammit Emil.

So, this was why he wanted to take me out to catch up. Sure, he wanted to celebrate my birthday with me, but I was slightly suspicious. After all, Emil doesn’t normally want to small talk with me in a café. I thought it had something to do with the fact that he’s been dating Yao’s younger brother for a few months now, but the conversation never appeared. I still don’t get why he hasn’t told me. What’s so bad about dating someone? Why doesn’t he want to tell me? I try not to think about it because the topic rather upsets me that he can’t just say, ‘oh yeah, I’m dating this guy’. Is it a matter of coming out? Is that the problem? Because trust me Emil, I may not be sure of my sexuality but I sure ain’t straight. Perhaps it’s just that he’s scared to come out. I’m going to go with that one.

However, it seems the chat was all a ruse whilst Arthur let a fuck ton of people into the house for a ‘surprise party’. And my plans of celebrating a birthday alone promptly went out the window. Looking round the room, I try take in the people he’s invited. Mathias smiles at me (the sweetheart), Berwald looks his usual blank faced self with Tino clinging onto his arm, Vlad smirks (oh shit, I’m in for a lot of teasing- as usual), Yao greets me with a wave, Lovino looks as indifferent as normal, my brother’s ‘not’ boyfriend is standing there and obviously Arthur, who planned this whole charade. Yay… people… I guess it’s ok because I like these people, but they really didn’t have to go to this effort for me. “Lukas!” Vlad runs up to throw his arm around me, “Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday, huh?” His right-hand lands on my head and he uses the opportunity to mess up my hair, ruffling it with said hand. “Didn’t want to bother everyone,” I mumble which earns a “It’s not a bother! It’s our pleasure to give you a good party!” In response from Vlad. I guess we’re doing this then.

“Hey,” my brother greets me from my side after everyone turns to chat with the people around them. “Hey,” is all I reply. “I’ve been instructed to give you this,” he holds out a slip of paper. I take it from him and open it up.

_Dear Lukas,_

_This will be the last note I write you. I’m ready to reveal who I really am. Please look out for my present to you. It will be a gift relating back to Norway as you are born on your country’s constitutional day. Then, you will know who I am (granted that no one else gives you a present relating to Norway!)._

_From, anonymous._

And my birthday just got a lot more interesting and a lot more stressful at the same time. Since I can be quite impatient, I take another look around the room, searching for a clue that will reveal who the person is. Mathias, the other person I like, who’s always been there for me when I need him, he’s single (I highly doubt the person behind these notes is in a relationship- that would be really cruel to the person they would be dating). Berwald, head over heels in love with Tino, taken. Tino, head over heels for Berwald, taken. Definitely not either of them. Vlad, in love with his childhood best friend, taken. Yao, in love with Ivan Braginsky, taken. Lovino, doesn’t seem to have a crush on anyone, single. Would it really be Lovi though? Then again, people can surprise you. Yao’s brother, very obviously dating my brother, has never talked to me, taken. Arthur, realised a few months ago that he’s in love with Alfred, has been pining over him ever since, single. And then there’s Emil but he’s my brother so obviously not him. Are the only options here really Mathias or Lovino if I narrow it down? Damn. This is weird.

I decide to retire to the garden and slip out while no one is watching. This whole anonymous person thing is making my head ache. I have developed a bit of a crush on the mysterious note writer; however it doesn’t compare to my crush on a certain Mathias Køhler. Stupid love triangle-ish dynamic. The worst dynamic. It just causes people’s feelings to hurt. I sigh and lay down on the grass, staring up at the sky. I don’t think anyone’s noticed that I’ve disappeared, and, at the moment, I really take comfort in that fact. Social gatherings aren’t my scene in the slightest. “Hey, Lukas,” I hear and immediately start cursing inwards until I recognise the voice. One that sounds like it probably didn’t drop at all during puberty. Mathias. I sit up, “Hi, Mathias.” He grins and takes a seat cross legged next to me, a wrapped gift in his hands. “What are you doing out here?” Our eyes meet, of course he would notice that I disappeared, he can be strangely observative at times. “In a bit I’m going to have to make a choice and I’d rather try delay it. The problem is, I like this anonymous person, I do but I also like another person. It’s between the safe choice of someone I like that likes me back or the risky choice that I really like but I don’t know if they like me back. Choosing is hard.” 

“There’s a way to go about this. Imagine your life with each one and whichever one makes you happier, then you choose that person. Sometimes it’s better to take risks if that risk will make you much happier than the safe option. You shouldn’t settle.” He smiles slightly at me, and I swear to God, every time I see that crooked smile I fall harder. My life with each? With the anonymous person, I feel they would shower me in words of how ‘amazing’ I am, much like their many notes. I would be happy, I think. It’s hard when you don’t know who the person is. With Mathias, there would be loads of love and support, he’s the sort of person I could depend on, a person who seems the type to show their love through their actions. It would be amazing to date Mathias; I would be over the moon. Oh wow, there’s a clear winner in who I would be happier with. And the answer’s the guy right next to me. “Thanks. That really helped.” He grins again and squeezes my arm. Then, he passes his gift over to me.

“Happy birthday, Lukas. By the way, I’m really loving your bunad.” Oh yeah, I’m dressed up for the constitutional day. I forgot for a while, thinking that I was wearing ‘normal’ clothes. I grab the gift and mentally choose Mathias. My hands are trembling as I slowly unwrap the present. I finally finish unwrapping it and pull out a small Norwegian flag. A Norwegian flag. I meet Mathias’ eyes and he has suddenly become incredibly sheepish. No fucking way. It’s him. It’s always been him. “Mathias, you fucking jerk!” I playfully punch him in the arm. His eyes widen, not expecting that reaction, “Wait, what did I do wrong?!” I stare at him in annoyance, nostrils slightly flared, “What you did wrong was fucking mess with my emotions, _dude_. The two people I like are the same fucking person! You realise what you did to my brain?! I was in agony here!” He maintains direct eye contact and his expression changes once he comprehends what I said, “Wait, I was both the people you were talking about? Oh crap, I’m sorry, Lukas.”

I decide he’s suffered enough and pull him into a hug, “Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that you’re both the people I like but don’t mess with my head like that again.” Our eyes meet again, and his lips are slightly parted in shock, also trying to comprehend this whole situation. He looks so cute. It hits me again, Mathias likes me. This is the best scenario. I smile the widest I’ve ever smiled and start to grab him by the front of his shirt. “I’m so fucking happy it’s you, Mathias,” Is all I whisper before pulling him into me, my lips colliding with his. It’s much better than the first time we kissed; we have an idea on how to actually kiss someone now. His arms wrap around me and deepens the kiss, my hands tangle up in his hair, seeming to ruin his gelled hairstyle in the process. We pull apart and he starts laughing. I’m caught off guard at first until he wheezes, “You’re sending me some goddamn mixed signals here, Lukas.” “Well, let this put your mind at ease, will you be my boyfriend, Mathias Køhler?” This time I swear his smile almost touches his eyes, “It would be an honour, Lukas.” And just like that, I have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend to be precise.

“It seems I’m interrupting something big, sorry,” It seems Arthur has arrived. I’m still not used to this whole romance thing, so I start getting very flustered and mumbling incoherent things. “It’s fine, Arthur. We’ll come in in a second.” Mathias replies, taking my hand in his which does not help my flusteredness. I decide to pay him back. Let’s see how flustered he can get. I pull him in for another kiss and, when I let go, he starts blushing and mumbling incoherent things. How do you like it, huh? I’m not going to be the only flustered one in this relationship. God, he’s so adorable.

We arrive back inside. We both seemed to have calmed down and are trying to act like nothing happened while we were outside, but Arthur keeps smirking when he catches my eyes. It’s hard because all we want to do is grab each other’s hand, but we don’t want to draw attention to it. That would mean everyone would just keep asking questions about it. My brother approaches us, “Hey, Mathias. Did you, um, did you do the thing?” This he follows with a thumbs up and then a thumbs down. “Ja. Thumbs up, Em.” Is all my boyfriend says in reply. “Cool. Congratulations you two,” He pats my arm and walks away. “I’m glad he was really calm about it when I asked him to help me. He did give me a whole spiel of how he’d kill me if I ever hurt you, do whatever you want with that info.” He grins at me. It’s really sweet to hear how protective Emil can be over me. I guess he feels I don’t need more crappy things to happen to me. Thanks, lillebror.

“Lukas! Mathias!” Tino drags Berwald over to us. “There you guys are- you disappeared for a while!” Berwald’s mouth twitches slightly, the closest to a smile you will ever get from him. “We’ve got a gift for you. Lukas, I mean, not you, Mads.” He adds matter-of-factly and pushes a large parcel towards me. I unwrap it, revealing a beautiful hand-crafted chair. “We felt since you’re now 18, you will eventually need furniture for when you buy your own place to live. Berwald should really get the credit for the chair though, I feel I just delayed its finish,” Tino exclaims, slightly laughing at the end. Berwald places his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder as if to say ‘no, you were a big help’. “Thanks guys, it’s beautiful. I love it.” This earns me a large beam from Tino and a nod from Berwald. As soon as they leave, I turn to Mathias, raise an eyebrow, and ask, “Mads?” I’d wanted to question someone about it the entire time but, when presented with a gift, it would be rude to change the subject. “A nickname, short for Mathias. Just like how I sometimes refer to Tino as Ti and Berwald as Ber.” It’s a cute nickname. I’m surprised I hadn’t heard it before now. “It’s a sweet nickname. I like it.” Then, he kisses my cheek and quickly glances away, pretending he wasn’t the one who did it. Crazy guy.

About two hours and a lot of small talk later, the only people left in the house are me, Mathias, and Arthur. Arthur excuses himself to make a cup of tea, the Brit. “So, we’ll need to start preparing to leave if we don’t want to run into anyone… we’d rather not want to run into,” Mathias glances at his phone. Ever since I found out about the whole magical world situation, Mathias has been keeping me updated. Tomorrow there’s going to be a large meeting at the Wangs’ house, planning what we need to do to overthrow the government. What Mathias is talking about is the fact that the government will probably send people over here to take Arthur and I away, so we can’t become a threat to them. We’ve got to remain on guard, especially since Arthur has no idea about anything. We’re going to pack some things and make our way over to Yao’s before anything can happen. My boyfriend is just waiting for the signal from Vlad. Arthur returns, a steaming mug in hand, still no idea what’s going on. Mathias’ phone then chooses that exact time to begin buzzing before Arthur’s even had a sip of his typical British beverage. I check the caller ID, Vladimir.

My boyfriend accepts the call, placing it to his ear, “Hey, Vlad. Is it time?” Arthur’s expression displays a mixture of surprise and confusion, bless him. I hear snippets of shouting, added to Mathias wincing at the volume. “Oh crap. Ok. I’ll get them out of here immediately.” He hangs up and it’s clear we need to leave right now. “Arthur, I’m sorry but you’re going to need to put your cup of tea down. The both of you need to pack your most prized possessions and a few changes of clothes. We need to leave as soon as possible.” Arthur’s eyebrows furrow as he frowns, “What on earth are you talking about? Why do we need to leave?” Of course, the downside of Arthur not knowing anything is this reaction exactly. “Arthur, I can’t explain right now. It’ll take too long and possibly endanger you both. All you need to know right now is that my job is to get you both out of here alive. Please just listen to me.” Arthur makes eye contact with me and, in response, I send a look telling him to do what Mathias says. He sighs and puts his mug down in compliance. Thank you, Arthur. We’ll explain later.

Following Mathias’ instructions, we try to pack as quickly as possible. I grab my completed sailor’s outfit, not wanting to lose the hat that came with the first anonymous letter my boyfriend wrote me. Some other clothes go in, along with my violin (yes, I play violin but now’s not the time for that) and other important objects. I finish packing in under five minutes, considerably faster than my British friend. While we’re waiting for Arthur, I notice Mathias tapping away on his phone. “Do we have anyone who can fight if we need to? Because Arthur and I will be useless.” I ask, causing him to look up at me. “Let’s hope we won’t need to, but your brother and Leon are nearby. They’re more than capable.” I hope Emil will be ok. At least there are people ready for necessary offensive. I love Mathias, I do, but his ability isn’t one that you can fight with. However, it is still useful in this scenario. Arthur finally finishes packing, an expression of bewilderment spread on his face. I do feel bad for him, he must be so confused.

We are about to head downstairs to leave when Mathias pauses, eyes widening. It’s in that moment I know something happened, something he picked up on with his ability. “No time,” he mutters, “We’ve got to go out of the window.” Arthur picks up on this, “The window?” Mathias just nods and although Arthur sighs, he grabs his suitcase, opens up the window and steadies himself to jump out. “You sure about this, Mathias?” Gotta make sure before you jump out of a window. “Definitely. We need to hurry. They’re here.” So, that’s how Arthur Kirkland ends up jumping out of a window and chucking his suitcase before himself. It’s a strange sight but I can’t revel in it. I know my turn is next. My turn then appears. I throw my suitcase out the window and watch it fall. Then my own body falls towards the ground and I try aim it away from where my stuff landed.

What can I say about jumping from a window? It hurts. It hurts so goddamn much. At least I manage to roll when I land so I don’t break any bones. Arthur helps pull me to my feet and I stare at my boyfriend’s figure at the window. Above the house, a white plane is flying low. Far too low. It’s a suspicious sign. I glance around, also taking in some police cars making their way down the street. Oh crap. They’ve got us cornered. “Mathias! What are you doing?! Jump!” I yell up at my boyfriend who’s done nothing, still standing at the window. My words shock him into reality and his miniscule eyes widen. There’s a blur and he’s no longer there. There’s a thud to my left, presumably his body.

As soon as he lands, the first strange thing happens. There’s a large flash, followed by a bang. I see bricks from the house flying towards us. That’s when the second strange thing happens. A blue light, a barrier kind of thing stops the bricks from colliding with us. I’m trying to comprehend what’s going on. Where’s this blue light coming from? What was that large bang? More debris hits the shield and I come to the conclusion that Arthur’s house has just been blown up. All my thoughts come to: holy shit. What the ever-loving fuck. This is getting out of hand. I glance to my left, noticing the blue light shield appears to be projecting from my boyfriend’s chest. The fuck. This keeps getting weirder and weirder. Is this my life now? A series of weird events? Each one weirder than the last? After a couple of minutes, the debris stops falling. Mathias falls back onto the grass, beads of sweat covering his forehead, the blue light disappearing. “What. The. Hell.” Is all Arthur manages to say and to be honest, I don’t blame him. This whole situation is a lot to process even for me, and I know the background context. Poor guy.

“Mathias, you ok?” I touch his arm, “What was that?” He meets my eyes, his wide and confused, “I think that was my soul. I don’t know, Lu, I’ve never done that before. And I’m ok, just very tired.” Lu? I’ll ask him about that later. Now’s not the time. My eyes tear away from him and back up the street, the policemen and women have emerged from their vehicles and are starting to run down towards us, slightly delayed probably due to bewilderment. Mathias sits up, turns to see what I’m seeing and then says to the both of us, “We gotta go. Now.” Stretching out my hand to him, I pull him to his feet. He begins to scan the surroundings wildly, an expression of concern spreading rapidly across his face. The police are getting closer. Oh man, we are screwed. “What the hell is taking him so long?” Mathias mutters, scrunching up his face in annoyance. This is quickly replaced by a look of relief whilst I hear tyres squeaking, the noise getter louder by the second. This all becomes apparent when a bright red car hurriedly pulls up to the curb and grinds to a halt, the screeching gradually disappearing. “Everyone, this is our ride, I suggest you get in as fast as possible,” my boyfriend looks back at us and starts sprinting towards the eyesore of a car. Arthur and I swiftly follow suit.

I decide to go through the backseat doors, Arthur circling round to the passenger seat. As soon as I collapse inside, my seatbelt snugly in place, I get a good look at the driver. Alfred Freaking Jones. Quiet for once, he turns the keys in the ignition and we head off, swerving past all the police officers. Thank God. “I was worried you weren’t going to show up in time, Al. What was taking you so long?” Mathias sighs, the sigh being one of relief. “Traffic was a nightmare, dude. But everything’s ok now!” He grins back at us from the car’s mirror. Mathias stretches his hand out to me, an invitation to hold it and I do. I really hope today is not the way I die. I’d like to be in control of my own death thank you very much. “Hello there, Jones. Haven’t seen you in a while,” smooth Arthur, very smooth. Not taking his eyes of the road, Alfred smiles, “Hey there, Artie. Yeah, I wasn’t feeling great for a long time but yesterday I decided to do something about my situation instead of moping. Now I’m involved in all this.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Arthur turns to glare at me and Mathias in the backseats, “What the hell is going on? Would either of you care to explain before I go crazy?” I don’t think this is the right time. Sure, I would hate being in the dark but we’re not safe yet. And the context is very long and confusing. Mathias just mumbles, “Alfred, go left up here and then right two times,” he then focuses back on Arthur, raising his voice slightly “Too long. Sorry Arthur, but you’re going to have to wait until we’re safe. I’m really sorry.” The Brit groans, clearly unsatisfied with this response. The ride remains mainly silent, apart from the occasional order on which way to turn from Mathias and music blasting from the stereo, a song called ‘Still Breathing’ or something like that. The song hits quite heavily with me, a particular lyric standing out, ‘As I walked out onto the ledge/ Are you scared to death to live?’. Hey song, suggestion, please don’t have lyrics that hit too close to home. All it makes me think of are the things I really don’t want to think about right now. As if sensing this, Mathias squeezes my hand when the lyric is playing. We share a look as I silently thank him. He gives me a sad smile in return.

Everything is going alright until we pass a house. This house is no normal house. No, it’s on fire. Of course. Why is everything being destroyed today? This is definitely number 1 on my ‘weirdest birthdays’ list. There wasn’t even a list until today. Arthur pales, “That’s Vlad’s house. I’m sure of it.” For fuck’s sake. Of course it is. “Oh shit,” Mathias replies and scrambles for his phone, dialling a number. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” He mutters. Nothing happens until I hear, “The number you’re calling can’t be reached right now.” Alfred slams down on the radio, turning it off immediately. “Fuck. Come on, Vladimir,” my boyfriend mumbles, dialling the number again. “The number you’re calling can’t be reached right now.” And again. “The number you’re calling can’t be reached right now.” And again. “The number…” Mathias still doesn’t give up the futile attempt at getting hold of our Romanian friend. I swear, I start going crazy the 20th time we’ve heard that voicemail message, tears beginning to blur my vision. “The number you’re calling…” Nothing. “…can’t be reached right now.” “The number…” “…can’t be reached…” “…you’re calling can’t…” Absolutely nothing. “The number you’re calling can’t be reached right now.” Ugly sobs start coming out of me, mixing with everyone around me. Nothing. Please, something else. Anything else. “The number…” And yet, nothing happens.

Matthew

Looking up from my phone, I sigh heavily. Of course I haven’t heard from Alfred since yesterday. What stupid shit has he gotten himself into this time? Not saying my brother’s an idiot, though he is a dumbass (crucial difference) and has a tendency to get involved with stupid things. He did tell me that he was at a friend’s house yesterday, but he paused between his words, as if trying to come up with a lie. Al is a terrible liar, and I know this. I think it’s great that my brother is going outside again, he seems to have perked up more yesterday. It took a couple of months to see him smile again. My only issue is that he’s probably gone and done something dumb. God, I swear I’m going to go grey early thanks to constantly worrying over my twin. Just last week I found a grey hair. Typical.

I don’t exactly know why I am down here, in the cul-de-sac that contains the rundown shack, known for not being demolished for no reason. I just felt like I should be here. Just some proof that I am probably going insane. Going grey and insane. The full set. “Matthew! Hi!” A cheery voice greets my ears, it’s Feliciano Vargas with his brother Lovino, guys in the year below me. “Hello, Feliciano, Lovino.” Lovino is scowling, though I try not to take it personally. I’m surprised Feliciano knows my name; he is an extremely friendly guy. Probably knows everyone’s name. “How’s everything going?” He struts up to me, grinning. Lovino stands back, unwilling to move. “Good, thank you. You?” Might as well distract myself from whatever Al could be doing. “I’m really good! I’ve just come back from a date with Luddy!” His hands move widely, gesturing constantly. Ah, Gil’s younger brother. The two are nothing alike on the surface from what I’ve seen. Both are incredibly organised though. “That’s cool. I hope you had…” I start to reply but a loud boom drowns out my response and every other sound.

The hell was that? Feliciano, Lovino and I stare at the horizon, a massive visible smoke cloud in the distance. It should be noted though, that it is a perfectly pleasant day, no grey clouds in sight so that boom was not thunder. Then what was it? “Hey, dickheads, there’s another smoke cloud to the right of the one you’re looking at,” Lovino snaps us out of our thoughts and we follow his finger. He’s right. There are two smoke clouds on the horizon which is clearly not good. I’m so confused right now. What on Earth is going on? Al, what did you get involved in this time? I just know that you have something to do with this. Jesus Christ. Pulling out my phone, biting on my lip in annoyance, I punch my brother’s number in and wait for him to pick up the call. Pick up the call, dumbass. “Hey dudes! I currently can’t answer my phone so leave a message! Later!” His voicemail message plays. Nothing. Of course. Should I bother calling again? Or will it go the same way as what just happened? Alfred… what have you gotten yourself into this time?

“What do you think caused the smoke clouds, fratello?” Feliciano pats his brother’s arm hurriedly, a visible expression of concern written all over his usually cheery face. “The right one looks like smoke from a fire, the other… I think an explosion which would explain the loud as fuck bang. Probably someone did some stupid shit in their microwave or something like that,” He folds his arms, slightly content with his reply. Although it sounds reasonable, something in my gut tells me the explosion was caused by something else. Something doesn’t seem right here. I mean, two smoke clouds at the same time? It’s at least an unlikely coincidence. But all I do is hum in response, still worrying over my brother. I should probably start becoming less concerned over Al since we’re almost eighteen, but he just gives me too many reasons to feel worried over him. It’s complicated, to say the least. My fingers punch in his number again, letting the phone ring. There’s a long flat ring tone for a while, which gives me hope. That is, until “Hey dudes! I currently can’t answer my phone so leave a message! Later!” Nothing. Again.

There’s a pause between the three of us. Screeching tyres can be heard, and a red automobile pulls into the cul-de-sac. Hold on a minute, I know that car. Alfred Fucking Jones, what the hell are you doing driving like that? I let out a sigh, let’s find out shall we? The doors open and people start pouring out, moving at the speed of light. They’re going so fast that I cannot make out who they are, they just appear as blurs. Police cars start pull up behind Al’s car. Oh my God. I knew he got into something stupid. But this is a new low point even for Alfred. The police are involved! Come on! What even is my life at this point? It’s like something out of a book, for God’s sake! The four people are coming towards us, and I can finally make out my brother (of course), Arthur Kirkland (Al’s crush), Mathias Køhler and Lukas Bondevik. An unlikely crew, I don’t see at least two of them committing crimes. What the hell is going on? Policemen are getting out of their vehicles, weapons in hand. Al’s group starts hurrying, they’re getting closer and closer… until their bodies collide with ours.

Lukas

Oh my God, what the hell just happened? Firstly we were running, not having any time to take in the surroundings, my vision still blurred from crying. And now we’re sprawled on the ground. Crap, my knee stings. Bet I scraped it. Wow, we just crashed into people. Yikes. I sit up slowly and glance at my knee. Yeah, that’s bleeding. Fucking shit. I look around, my eyes catching Lovi’s. “I’m so sorry! Are you ok?” I start to stand up, reaching my hand out to pull him up, wincing from the pain in my leg. The others around me get up as well and I notice Lovi’s twin, Feliciano, and a blonde guy I haven’t met before. A small “what the fuck” escapes Lovino’s mouth, saying not much else. “We’ve got to keep moving,” Mathias whispers, looking back at the gradually getting closer police. “Won’t these three get in trouble if we leave them?” I question everyone. “I guess they will. Guess they’ve just got to come with us.” Mathias states, earning confused looks from the three themselves. In order to clear it up, Arthur adds, “Do you want to be arrested or not?” Small “no”s are uttered and just like that, we now have three extra people.

There’s a thud behind us and, on instinct, I turn around. My brother, dragon-like wings sprouting out from his back, appears to have touched down. Was he flying? At this point I’m not even surprised anymore. Next to him is Yao’s brother who also has wings, though his are like angel’s wings, only in crimson. Surveying the group, Alfred and my boyfriend don’t seem surprised at this, whereas everyone else’s eyes have widened so much they look like golf balls. Emil twists round, shouting at us, “You guys go on ahead. We’ll take care of this!” After hearing this, I grab Lovino’s arm, ignoring his protests and yank him towards the shack. I stumble slightly, my leg being in worse shape than I thought, but power on. You can do this Lukas; think of all the pain you’ve felt that’s worse than this. This wound is nothing compared to all the others. Don’t feel pain. Don’t feel pain. Lovino finally goes quiet after glancing at the police approaching us, guns out. He stops resisting, allowing me to drag him towards the rundown building. Next to me, Mathias has Feliciano’s arm, whilst Alfred is pulling both Arthur and the guy whom I do not know.

They begin walking through the door, almost safe. I watch my brother, attempting to swallow the fear that’s coursing through my body. They have guns. Please be ok, Em. I can’t loose you too. I’ve already lost so many. Mum, Dad (I never knew my father, so God knows where he is), now Vladimir. Please be ok. Please. I hear two shots being fired and my life turns slow-motion. The bullets head forward, aimed at my brother and Yao’s brother’s chests. Emil leaps onto one foot (I’m not sure what he’s trying to accomplish here). He uses this to propel himself backwards, whilst Yao’s brother is frozen. I think I shout out my brother’s name, though it’s unclear. He brings his hands together, like a clap. Just like that, life resumes back to its normal speed. Please no. Please no. No. No. No. No. Tears roll down my cheeks. How long have I been crying? But, just as quickly as life resumes, a large wall of ice spreads across the entire road, separating the police from Emil, and Yao’s brother. The bullets are caught just on the edge, inches away from Emil’s face as he touches back down on the ground, wings beating like a heartbeat.

‘He’s ok’ my brain repeats to itself in disbelief. He’s ok. He’s alive. He’s ok! My brain still doesn’t seem to be responding normally but I think I hear Yao’s brother shout, “Holy shit! We could have died! Holy shit!” The police are banging their fists on the ice wall, not penetrating it in the least (the thing’s about 10 metres thick and God knows how high). It’s impressive to say the least. My brother makes eye contact with me from a distance, smiles slightly and mouths “Get out of here”. Typical Emil if you ask me. Still reeling, I head inside the shack, catching up with the others. Mathias grins at me, “Told you they could handle themselves.” He seems to have snapped back from serious mode. I guess we’re practically safe now. “Let’s go everyone!” He drags Feliciano into the centre of the room and the two disappear through the portal. There’s exclamations of shock from everyone, but I grab Lovino’s arm again and pull him through with me.

A familiar surrounding greets me, and I exhale. We’re safe now. They can’t get to us here. Mathias’ family controls the borders so no bad souls can enter. Normally, regular humans like Lovino can’t either, but this is not a normal time. The rest of the group appear, the general consensus of their reaction being “What. The. Fuck.” Again, I don’t blame them. That was my reaction too. My ears pick up on the border letting people through again and I come face to face with Emil. “You were amazing out there!” I pull him into a hug and then hold him out in front of me, “But don’t ever worry me like that again, young man. You hear me?” His lips twitch into a small smile, “Ok, Dad. I won’t.” Dad? I guess since I am eighteen now I’m kind of his legal guardian. Probably will need to do some paperwork so he will be out of our Aunt’s custody. “Whatever kid.” I ruffle his hair and he pushes my hand away. Yao’s brother comes up next to him muttering, “We could’ve died. Oh shit. We could’ve died.” Emil looks at me and mouths, “He’s still in shock”. And you’re not? Weirdo.

Not much happens after that. We head down to Yao’s (there’s now an elevator built into the cliff, so we don’t have to be flown down), fill him in on what has happened (including Vladimir), we fill the humans in out everything about this place and we eat dinner. After that, (and in order for Yao to be able to house everyone) Mathias and I head up to his house where I will be staying the night. I have a brief shower, I mean, I was covered in dust, and then I tend to my knee. The cut’s quite deep but it’ll heal. As I said, not the worst injury I’ve ever had. And what’s one more scar? “I’m just saying,” I come out of Mathias’ bathroom, “My birthdays were never great and this one is certainly the surrealist.” My boyfriend snorts, sitting cross legged on his bed, a book in hand (titled ‘Heartstopper’). “I mean, first, you turn out to be the one sending me those notes.” He laughs again, “So sorry about that.” I pace around the room, counting things off my fingers, “Then, Arthur’s house blew up and we saw Alfred F. Jones for the first time in months. After that… you know…” This time he puts the book down and gets off the bed, walking towards me. He pauses slightly when he sees my scars (I haven’t put on a shirt yet) but then pulls me into a hug.

“Mathias, I need you to promise me something.” I say, sinking my head into his chest. “What is it?” He asks, stroking my hair. “Promise me that I won’t lose you. I’ve lost too many people in my life. I can’t lose you too. Promise me.” He pulls away and looks me dead in the eyes, “I promise, Lukas. I promise.” He begins to walk back to the bed. “I mean, I thought I was going to lose my brother today. He almost died.” My eyes widen at the realisation, “Oh God. Is that how he felt back in December? Because of me? Oh shit, I did that to him. I…” My hands fly up to my mouth, my body shaking. Why am I shaking? “I did that to him. I made him feel the way I felt today.” Mathias has abandoned what he was about to do and is making his way back over to me. I feel sick. Should I feel this sick? How could I do that to Emil? “I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?” I let out a shaky breath, “A selfish, horrible person. I did that to him.” Suddenly, I can’t make out my surroundings. Am I crying? At this point you would think I’d be out of tears. But no. “You’re not a horrible person, Lukas,” He places his hand on my arm, “Please calm down. It’ll be ok.” What? He could he- What? “How can you say that?!” I slap his hand away, “Calm down! You don’t know a thing about my life, Mathias! You don’t get to tell me to calm down.” By this point, I’ve lost control of my limbs, they’re shaking uncontrollably.

I keep rambling how I did those things to Emil, all the time breathing quickly. Mathias has frozen. I did that to him. I just made him feel like shit. I really am a horrible person, aren’t I? Continuously rambling to myself, I hear voices around me, none registering in my brain. Until someone strides into the room and puts their hand on my arm. Who the fuck? “Lukas, hey. I’m going to need you to breathe for me, ok?” Emil. It’s Emil. “Breathe in,” He whispers, mimicking the motion, “And out. Breathe in… and out.” Slowly, my breathing starts to return back to normal. The shaking seems to be stopping too. I rub the tears out of my eyes, them meeting my brother’s once more. “That’s it. Well done.” His hand moves up and down my arm. I just had another panic attack, huh. “Good job, Em,” Mathias says, his tone not too quiet but not it’s usual version either, “I didn’t quite know what to do.” He gives me a sad smile. “Not used to dealing with panic attacks, Mathias?” Emil glances back and asks. “I mean, not as a witness. I’ve had my fair share but in terms of knowing what to do, I was lost.”

“You’ve had panic attacks before?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed. “Well, you know what my ability does. Let’s just say I’m not great in crowds of people I’ve never met before. Information overload leads to me freaking out.” He looks down at the floor, fiddling with his pyjama shirt. “I’m sorry for snapping at you,” I sigh. God, I hope I didn’t hurt him (emotionally or physically). “It’s ok, Lukas,” He makes eye contact again, “I know you didn’t mean to lash out. I probably should’ve handled it better. Which is why I called Emil. Figured he might have more experience.” We all sit down on the bed after that. I’m still calming down but yeah, I hate panic attacks. “What caused the panic attack, Lukas?” Emil hugs me. “The fact that I thought I’d lost you earlier today. You felt that way back in December, didn’t you? I hate that I did that to you.” His violet eyes widen, and he purses his lips. “Sure, it felt horrible. But you’re ok now and that’s what matters Lukas. Also, we can’t change the past so what happened, happened.” He pulls me in tighter. “Besides,” he starts, “How is… you know… going?” Ah, I guess we have to catch up a lot. “I’m trying, Em. I really am trying to get better. It’s taking longer than I expected.” I sigh. Change is hard. Very very hard. “Recovery takes a while, Lukas. As long as you’re trying, that’s what matters.” Mathias joins the hug on my other side, “Emil’s right. You’re doing great, Lu.” And after a crazy ass eighteenth birthday, it finally draws to a close with me around two of the people I care about the most: my little brother and my boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally this chapter is done! It took forever XD  
> I've had this chapter planned out for over the last year (bar the last scene).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! :)


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